Written Whispers

NaNoWriMo – Thank You!

November 30th, 2008

4

Last year I sat down before my keyboard for thirty full days (minus getting the flu twice) and wrote 50,000 words. The story in my head was not finished and though I still plan on working on it- it still isn’t finished.

This year I sat down before my keyboard for nearly thirty days, typing away and wearing the letters off a good few of my keys (seriously). I stayed up well into the night, forgoing sleep from time to time because even when my fingers weren’t moving my brain still was and wouldn’t let me rest. I organized write-ins, told friends and family, and then pushed my self to the limits and beyond.

As a result I have the most wonderful news possible, the greatest achievement in my young life.

I wrote a novel.

For a total of 168,635 words, 600 some odd pages, 3000 some odd paragraphs, sweat, tears, and love.

Kat’s Tail was completed Thanksgiving night. :) We went to Red Lobster today to celebrate.

NaNo Update #Almost Done (127,357 Words)

November 28th, 2008

2

Good morning!

Yes, it really is morning. Usually I go to bed around six am (because I’m a night shift kind of girl) but tonight I wrote and wrote and wrote until my poor little fingers were so tired and my brain just couldn’t function anymore and I took a fifteen minute nap, then I woke up, turned the laptop back on and decided I was ready for round two. It’s nine in the morning and I still haven’t been to bed and I feel wonderful!

It’s amazing what a good mood can do for you mixed together with lack of sleep and the joy of reaching 127,357 words AND knowing you only have two or three chapters left till the story is actually finished, completed, ended, [inserts other words for 'oh, my gods, I'm almost done!' here].

It’s such a pretty thought, so shiny and tempting that I have no clue what to do with it but run around in circles right now. I was telling my husband last night that I really, honestly, believe I might cry when I finish the book. It’s not an if anymore, it’s a when. I don’t think I’ve ever been able to say that about one of my longer pieces since I happen to suffer from a chronic case of ADOSSO.

Attention Deficit… Oh, shit! Shiny object! Pardon the curse, lol, it’s something Kei and I came up with together while attempting to get up early the next day after staying up till noon writing (to clarify: we woke up, started writing, and didn’t go to sleep till lunch time the next day) and we were feeling rather goofy and random. To be honest I don’t know why people need drugs, if they’d just deprive themselves of sleep doing something they love, deprive a good friend along with them, then force each other into consciousness the next day they’d be whacked out all the time. I mean, given I’m bound to be cranky when I first wake up but while I’m trying to fall back asleep it’s like the little net that catches all the things I don’t mean to say while I’m awake is damaged. Even better- because of my lack of sleep and recent visit to dreamland my motor skills are generally suffering and sometimes saying a word with more than two syllables is a bit of a challenge… so yeah, I don’t need drugs. I’m weird enough as is.

Anyways back to topic…

Wait.

I had a topic?

Hmm.

Oh yes, finishing my novel. I can no call it a novel without thinking I’m stealing some catch phrase because even at size twelve font I’m numbering at over 500 pages right now. I know I’d be wasting trees if I did it but the urge to print it out when I’m all done just so I can hug the bulk of it is tremendous. Fortunately my husband has talked me into waiting until it’s gone through at least the first edit and then using the ‘CreateSpace’ offer from the NaNo to get a single bound copy for myself and then I can merrily accuse them of killing of innocent trees just so I can hug my novel.

I can hardly believe that the month isn’t even over yet (though I’m glad it’s not), it just seems like this has been the longest month of my entire life. Even thinking back to last years NaNo, it was nothing like this for me. I mean it was still crazy, awesome, inspiring, and finger numbingly wonderful but there is a definite difference. See, last year I used the NaNo as a means of forcing myself back into the writing world. When afraid to walk down the stairs go jump off a cliff so to speak to prove it’ll only hurt if… hmm…. that analogy was in my head and then as I was typing it I lost my train of thought and I can’t remember when I was going.

So, yeah, last year was a reintroduction into what I love, this year I’ve already been baptised so to speak and I’m no longer testing the waters but jumping in and swimming like a fish. I live and breath writing. :) I think it also helps having another writer in the house to compete with, it’s in my nature to try and type faster and hit the word counts faster if I can and if I can’t it gives me something to aim for like a mini game amongst the great challenge.

Even more so was all the encouragement my wonderful Husband keeps giving and his patience in my antics every thirty minutes or so when I busted another thousand out and had to tell him all about it. Both my brothers even helped push me along though I’m not sure they know it. I’ve been posting my latest and greatest word counts on my instant messenger the entire time and little did I know till recently that they were both following along and it surprised me when now and then they’d leave me a little message to go for it and such. It’s kind of cool how even though they don’t get along, or even talk, to each other how they can come together for me on this one thing. It makes smile.

Now for a random page from 365 Tao

“Do your devotions make you happy?
Is your life a joyous song?”

~Deng Ming-Dao

On this page Deng mentions while speaking of spiritual devotion that “it is unfortunate that so much coercion, unhappiness, bitterness, guilt, and fear become wrapped up in spirituality.” He goes on to talk about how being devoted to whatever you consider spiritual in your life, the thing you live for, or whatever churns your soul- it should make you happy and that it should be a celebration not a grudging ritual and I wholeheartedly agree. It’s difficult to explain without typing down what he said here and as my glasses are missing and I’m doing what quoting I am doing most from my head- you’ll just have to settle with my poor explanation.

When I read this earlier, this random page I turned to in a moment of contemplation I had a thought surface brightly in my head like the sun dancing up over the horizon. I wouldn’t call it a strange thought, it has occurred to me more than once but I don’t think it’s a common thought and I’m alright with that.

Writing is my spirituality.

I like to say that I do not have a religion, religion is for those who can name the faith they belong and can read out of the same book as millions of others without knowing the history behind it and follow it- not blindly but more like a sheep follows a flock. I’m not speaking of any one religion just organized religion in general.

To me spirituality is how you express your deepest soul felt feelings, it’s the guidelines you set for yourself, and your point of view in how the universe works. Spirituality is like a snowflake, no two for any two people are alike. Similar maybe but the same? Never because we are all different with different souls that have different needs but I’m ranting so I’ll pull myself back in the direction I was going beforehand.

Writing is my spirituality.

Everything that comes into my soul, my head, my heart. I express it through writing. The universe gives me all these wonders and I give back by writing. I celebrate my life and my happiness or the flip side of the same coin by writing.

Some Tibetan monk goes to his temple every single day, he adorns his robes, and purifies himself.

I sit before the temple of my laptop or notebook every single day, I build my writers nest out of all my favorite blankets, and I clear my mind.

The monk puts his hands together to pray.

I spread my fingers out over the keyboard.

The monk may sings hymns of the joy that his beliefs have brought him.

I dance spontaneously every ten pages.

He will sweep his temple steps in reverence to his place of practice.

I will meticulously pull all the keys off my keyboard and pick out all the cat hair and possibly Chinese food that has fallen beneath them because it is my place of practice and I revere it.

He will sit in silence for hours listening as his god speaks to him through it.

I will listen to my mp3 player for hours listening as random ideas pop into my head with convenient lyrics.

His god will bring him the greatest wisdom he has ever known if he listens with a full heart and an open soul.

My characters will bring me the greatest stories and teach me the greatest morals I have ever known, taking me on adventures I may have never had otherwise through my stories if I listen with a full heart and an open soul.

*grin*

NaNo Update #Forgotten

November 26th, 2008

0

Hey, it’s a post I forgot to publish. Yay. :) I wrote this just after hitting 50K, I’m almost to 150K now though.

—-

I’m still recovering from this week but I think I have just enough energy to trip through an updated post but before I do I just wanted to let you all know that I updated comments. :) Took me a bit since there are so many of you wonderful people out there but I got it done. Also, I should warn you that the thing I usually use to write my posts is acting wonky so these may or may not be spell checked.

There are a lot of thoughts in my mind right now, neither good nor bad mostly. They’re just there, swimming around more freely than I’ve ever let them swim before. Usually I keep certain thoughts tangled in protective webs but lately I’ve been feeling pretty brave towards some of these. It just sort of happened.

Hmm… feeling random.

So, yeah, 50,000 words the other night. 50 thousand in merely seven day. I think I’m rather proud of myself right now, still very tired but it feels great to be tired and have something to show for it which is more than I can say most days.

Pulling away from writing for a moment on that thought- It’s so amazing, right now I can feel my life happening. I feel busy when I look at the week ahead (every and any week) but yet I feel content as I go through the motions. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like I’m getting anywhere with my housework, my job, or just life in general but yet I can ‘feel’ my life moving all around me and it’s the most beautiful thing ever. I can see the constant changes around me like I’m part of this entity that keeps breathing in and out, or a sea as the tides come forth and fall back again. It’s a rythm but never the same twice in a row.

There was once a time in my life when I didn’t see these things, given, most of us don’t pay considerable attention ‘to’ change just the changes that are currently affecting them but I think I have been given a way or a reason to see this… feeling (if that makes sense) a little clearer than a lot of people.

I remember when I first left my mother’s home, I had to be about 15, and moved in with some friends. My mother can’t help the way she is, she has problems but that wasn’t the only reason I needed to leave though usually when I bring this topic up it’s the only one I talk about. It was a stagnant place filled with negativity and constantly changing rules. I was left on my own more often than not and probably spoke less than ten minutes all together out of any given day if I spoke at all. I wasn’t around people a lot unless we had them over and then they usually left with her and went to the bar.

Spending so much time on my own you’d think I would have been left to my thoughts but I wasn’t. I didn’t really think about anything except for the occasional story. My only thoughts, when I chose to have them, were always negatively directed at myself because when I was spoken to those were often the only things I heard.

I didn’t really have anything to get excited about and I didn’t cry unless my mother lost her temper. I didn’t get angry and up until the end I didn’t talk back. I didn’t emote at all unless I was afraid of getting in trouble for anything.

And I never realized any of this.

Think about it, if you had never been exposed to the color red in your entire life would you imagine things in that color? When you see it for the first time would you know what was going on or what to call it?

After and even a little bit before I left when I started being exposed more and more to other people, families, and was starting to engage in conversations and being asked what was on my mind something started to change. I thought there was something was wrong with me at first and I spent a lot of time crying but the more and more I was exposed to these outside influences I’d never had before I started to have all these different feelings I hadn’t felt before.

When the people who later became my adoptive family started asking me what I thought about this and that I started to think more. Did you know I never knew what my favorite color was until someone asked me? Seriously, the same thing goes with favorite music, food, style of cloths, and even what gender I preferred to date.

When I started thinking was when my mother and I hit the worst period. I stayed up at night thinking of all the things that happened between the two of us and examining the feelings she expressed, a really strange thing for a 15 year old to consciously do. I thought about what I thought about what she did! And needless to say I didn’t like the feelings that came with it. I started expressing myself more and more and it led up to a breaking point.

Getting back to my point before I fall into ranting mode: I never had change in my life before (unless you count moving and meeting mother’s new boyfriends), never had too many conscious thoughts, never felt so many things before- emotions I still have trouble giving words to even now. Because of all this I think I’m better able to see these things around me and it’s like a gift. Like interest for all those years I missed out on, now when I see the world I see it so vibrantly that it was worth the few years I couldn’t comprehend.

It still gives me trouble from time to time, I don’t adapt to change very well but I’m starting to get braver. Starting to see that not all change will hurt me and that the sudden appearance of something bad (like reappearing relatives) doesn’t always mean my entire world is going to fall apart. I’m still afraid sometimes and my emotions and thoughts still confuse me but it’s alright because I love learning and this means that I’ll never be done. ;)

I think if I continue at this rate for NaNo (since I am still writing) I could have another 50 thousand out around the 14th, and continuing at this pace till the end of the month I am very capable of reaching 200 thousand if I put my mind to it. We’ll see though, I think I’m only going to aim for 150 because my book might be close to done about then.

I really feel like I’m making progress on my novel for once. I mean, I have made progress n other stories before and I have felt it but this one feels so different. It was amazing when the idea came to me, the thing practically wrote itself in a matter of days (I speak of a rough outline spanning half a notebook) and this was by hand too because I didn’t even have enough patience for the laptop and typing I just had to pen it, my soul thirsting for the ink upon the pages.

Now though, the story is really on the move. I can feel the the tension building, the drama spinning out of control, and the climax- though I am far from it, I can see it way up ahead on the mountain top that I find myself climbing towards. My goal is in sight- far, but in sight and that’s more than I’ve ever dared to ask for.

I would really like to see it published some day but if I never get there (and trust me when I say I’m amazed I’m typing this) I think I’ll be okay. It’d be great but I just want to write a great story. I can share it without having it bound and contracted by some company though I more likely to make money which would give me ‘more’ free time to write but… if it never does I’ll just share it in my own little way. :)

NaNoUpdate #Random

November 25th, 2008

0

Reached 120K a few minutes ago.

Time to sleep.

I’m reading all your comments even if I haven’t approved them to the site yet, that’s just how I keep track of the ones I need to respond to.

Night.

PS. Spammers suck and ‘whatsyourname’, you know who you are, I pity you for not having anything better to do with your time. Go play in traffic.

NaNoWinMo!!!

November 7th, 2008

7

I did it.

Oh. My. Gosh.

I did it!

In less than a week!

I just finished my 50,000 words…

I’ll catch up on comments tomorrow this calls for a celebration and I think I know just what I want to do.

Sleep.

Blessedly Tired

November 5th, 2008

2

First things first: I just hit the 42,000 word mark for the NaNoWriMo!

This year is nothing like last year. Last year while I wrote pretty darn fast it was still a gradual assent and I was only done like a day or two ahead of time, right now I only have about 8,000 left to go. I’m thinking it’s because my sister is doing it with me. Having another writer in the house is a great way to help focus and bring out my more competitive nature. :D

I’ve been thinking, since my story will be far from over by the time I hit to 50K mark that I’m going to aim for 100K instead. After all, if I can do this much in such a short time who’s to say what else I can’t accomplish if I set my mind to it?

On the first I went up to Borders and to my everlasting excitement I was able to meet a handful of writers from the area! :D It was wonderful, given, we didn’t get a whole lot of writing done but together with did do a lot of brainstorming and I found a few more recruits for my just after January writer’s group.

Today I went back up to Borders, got significantly more writing done than the first time I went and Kei and I got to spend some more time with another fellow writer. It’s so wonderful. I almost feel like I’m going to a job I love and these are coworkers that I get along with.

On other, non-writing related stuff- yeah, I was surprised to discover that there are non-writing related things in the world too- I voted for the first time ever the other day. The lines were short but it was a pretty nerve racking experience just because I didn’t know if I needed my state ID (which is missing) and because since I registered to vote I’ve had my name changed and then there was the whole fact of the matter that I’d never been in the building before- that always makes me a bit more than a bit twitching but in the end it all went over very smoothly. The ballot was easier to understand than I thought it would be and my Hunny came to vote too!

For me the best part of the experience wasn’t about helping to pick the next leader of my country but about doing that for the very first time with my Husband. It felt… kind of special for lack of better words. On the other hand of things though if someone were to walk up and ask me if I felt I’d made a difference I would have said no. It’s not that I’m one of those people who thinks my vote doesn’t matter or that it’ll just get canceled out by another person’s vote (that’s stupid) because even I know that the desert is made up of all those tiny grains of sand but if I really look deep down inside myself and feel what I feel- for some reason I just don’t feel like I… I don’t feel like- I feel I should considering my knowledge on the electoral system but this is all another one of those topics that I don’t want to delve too far into.

I consider myself fairly educated when it comes to U.S. politics but when it comes to discussing them… I don’t. It’s something I keep inside my head, only expressing my opinion on the matter when I know it will do some good otherwise it feels like one bit constant complaint. Anytime I hear people talk about it, even the good stuff, it still feels that way so I’m just going to stop right now.

I wonder how many words are in this entire blog.
I wonder how many pages.
I wonder how many people have come here and read something that they just had to share with another.
I wonder how many people have come here and read something that made a difference in their lives.

Just some curious thoughts.

Ohh, other stuff! I have ‘another’ new blog created for procrastination and nothing more that is fondly dedicated to the characters of my current story “Kat’s Tail”. You can find it at http://written-whispers.com/katstailblog/ . It’s basically a place where have the characters do the writing for me. They sound a bit more than a bit spazzier than they are in my story but it’s an exercise into exploring my characters and freeing myself from certain constraints so I’m not too worried. If some of you could stop by some time and let me know what you think I would absolutely love it. I’ll install an OpenID thingy to the comment thingy soon.

I’m tired. Not tired from crap going on in my life for once though that is always happening (a fact I’m thankful for no matter how much of it isn’t all that great) but tired from expressing. I’m contently tired.

To reword it, I’ve been pouring myself into my creative talents so fully lately that when I finally stop at the end of the night I sleep well. When I lie down my brain doesn’t keep running in circles but instead turns once or twice like a cat and then settles right on down. Last night I didn’t write much, I was procrastinating and it was the first night since the first that I didn’t do more than 2K. When I laid down to go to sleep my brain kept me awake the entire night and I think I might have only gotten three hour or so of sleep so tonight I’m going to pour a tiny bit of my soul into my work in hopes that this pattern will prove true and I can just fall into unconsciousness as soon as my head hits the pillow.

I’d like to say thank you to someone real quick but I want them to notice so I think I’ll put it in another, much shorter, post.

So tired… maybe a nap is in order before I do any more work today. Hmm. We’ll see.

I found this awesome song last night. I think I might have to share it with you.

NaNo Update – 13,019 Words!

November 2nd, 2008

3

Hey! Gosh, I remember last year where pretty much all of my posts for the month were titled NaNo update this and NaNo update that. It’s beginning again and here is not the first of many and certainly not the last.

I’ve just hit the 13,019 mark and it’s only 5 am’ ish on the second day. I’m so proud of myself and I can’t help updating my count every thousand or so just I can feel that grin spread from ear to ear. This has been a wonderful few days. My week started out pretty crappy but now I’m starting to feel really good again. Karma- a force I usually don’t put 100% faith in (though I do look toward it from time to time) actually came around and nipped one of my slightly bigger problems in butt and though I know I shouldn’t be happy and the situation it created I was literally dancing in the bathroom when I found out about it.

Went to Borders, got to meet with and write alongside several other writers. It was so wonderful and I plan on giving you all more details about it later but first I want to go get another 2,000 or so down on the page and maybe go eat another pound or five of junk food.

Peace, I’ll catch up on comments sooner or later I promise, also on blog reading but that’ll all be during my procrastination time.

NaNo Count Down

November 1st, 2008

5

Alright, the NaNo starts in three hours and nine minutes so I better get this all out of my system while I still can.

Got distracted now I have 51 minutes until NaNo. I’m so excited and a little nervous. My writing software is all fired up and open just waiting for midnight to roll around. My Hubby bought Kei and I a bunch of candy under the excuse of saying we might get trick or treaters but we’ve never had any before- soooo, I have a really nice sugar high and I only ate maybe a handful of misc. treats. I don’t really like candy but I am liking this hyper buzz that’s causing me to talk a million miles a minute.

Hubby also bought Kei and I our favorite orange cream (non caffeinated of course). He’s such a sweetheart- he may not understand our writerly ways or our desire to channel the people in our heads but he’s still so supportive.

Got distracted again. Now I have 30 minutes.

You know- it’s Halloween and instead of going ‘oh, my gosh! it’s Halloween!’ like I used to do when I was a little kid now I go ‘oh, my gosh it’s almost NaNoWriMo!’. :) I feel so grownup.

20 minutes.

Special writing/plot oriented play lists created on my fully charged mp3 player. I even have a play list for each main character.

Comfy writers nest all comfy’fied, blanket all fluffy and pillows stolen back from cats.

Headphones located.

Post being written.

Brain running in a frantic circle trying to figure out what to do for the next few minutes.

Wait! I know!

I’ll look at my notebook and drool letting my fingers itch and twitch to type.

*runs away to NaNo land*

Leave a message after the beep.

BEEP!

NaNo Calendars

October 28th, 2008

2

I found this thread in the NaNo forums for people to make and post their desktop wallpaper/calendars for the month. Some of them were so awesome I had to try my hand at making some. Please feel free to use and enjoy.

This first one is the original, turned out a little darker than intended in some spots and lighter in others but I love it. That’s the original image in the center without any tweaking. I found it on yahoo and snagged it.

Numbers go from left to write, the original is the first one in the pile.

Original) I really recommend reading the little squares. A few are based on inside jokes but I don’t doubt for a second that you’ll still find them all pretty funny. I wish some of my graphics came out better but I forgot to change some settings before I did the final save and layer change.

1.) I made this one because I have a preference towards blue over red (actually I like greens and purples but neither of those came out half as nicely). I still should have lightened it up but I love how the paws turned out.

2.) This is the same as the red one but smaller and in a different format for those who need it. The quality really went down.

3.) Same as above.

4.) These next two are ‘inked’ or done like in a pen or cartoon format. I really like how these two turned out.

5.) Another blue one and that’s it, well, it’s more purple’ ish but yeah.

calorigred

calorigblue

calred

calblue

calinked

calinkedblue

Tired

October 25th, 2008

8

Uhg… today has been terribly long and let’s face it- bland.

Nothing really happened at work. I went in, washed, waited, washed some more. Rinse and repeat through out the whole night. It’s one thing when we have a busy night, heck I would have loved to be swamped in comparison, or when we have a really slow night where I can sneak off with a good book in a snack but nights like this really suck. Too slow to make it go by quickly but just steady enough that every time I finish with something another ‘one’ rack of dishes comes in.

If I had any real perception of time I would have said it literally took forever but goodness knows I don’t have the attention span for those sort of things. So, I spent most of the night randomly walking around even though I had work to do and then coming back when there was enough to keep me entertained.

One good thing I can say that happened was one of the girls I work with, a busser just a year and a few months younger than myself, said she might be interested in joining my writing group. *does a tired happy dance* Other than that I think the only way I made it through today without screaming was because I spent most of it playing my stories in my head. Funny how watching people in my head run around acting out my plots is what kept me sane.

I wish winter time wasn’t nearing. I mean, I know it’s all part of the wheel of the year, the time before rebirth and renewal and without winter… global warming would seem like the least of our problems. Anyways, yeah, this little spirit isn’t very fond of winter, at least not in Michigan. This is going to make me sound older than it should but the cold makes my bones hurt, especially my hip and back because of the Scoliosis amongst other things. Lately though right above my knee has been giving me some serious pain. I’m not going to do anything about it of course because aches and pains are fairly normal and unless I see some blood I’m not going to worry about it but it’s really annoying and kind of pulses now and then. I wish it would stop.

I’m tired. This must be like the third time I’ve said it in this post but… whatever. It’s my post so- *sticks tongue out at anyone who looks at me funny*. Between work, school, NaNo, and some personal issues that just won’t go away, I’m feeling mighty drained. I wish everything would stop hurting.

Reminds me, here’s an overdue update for those of you who’ve been worried. I finally went to a doctor about my asthma some weeks back. I’d gotten a really bad cold and after three days of struggling to breath my husband was either going to call an ambulance or I could willing walk into a hospital on my own. I opted for the second choice, naturally.

Went in, got tested, found I didn’t have asthma. Er, normal asthma so to speak. See, I have (on top of everything else) a big problem with stomach acid. A few years ago it got to the point where I had to be constantly checked for ulcers, a big pain in more ways than one. Anyways, turns out my I have so much stomach acid that it’s burning up my lungs (yeah, that confused me too but trust me when I say you don’t want to know how that works) and causing asthma ‘like’ symptoms. So, now I’m back on some pills and I have to watch what I eat and most especially my stress levels.

Funny. I stink at taking pills, I’m trying to gain weight eating all the things I’m not supposed to eat now, and stress? I rest my case.

In other news…

The writing group idea is going well. I’m still on the edge as to whether or not I’m willing to commit myself and take up the responsibility but the planning in general feels nice. I’ve decided that if I do go through with this I’m not starting until January, and that’s the earliest just because November is already taken and December is dedicated to recuperating.

Guess what? I turn 20 this December. *runs in a mental circle since I’m too tired to imagine running a real one* I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself. I feel like I should feel something more on the topic but to be honest I didn’t remember it was coming up until today.

I’m not feeling very inspired to write something good. I just wanted to make a post because if I don’t my head might explode. I think the main reason I’m tired, aside from all that other junk listed above- mostly written so I can get to the heart of the matter without too harsh a transition, is because of a letter I got the other day. Actually, I cringe at calling a message I got on ‘myspace’ a letter.

To be honest I should have known better than to start another account. I started one a year ago for one of my sites but a relative found me on it and sent messages to people on my buddy list to get them to contact me. So, I left them a very rude and poorly spelled message on my profile. A few months ago I deleted and started a new one under my married name so I could send messages back and forth to my new family in laws.

I made it private, security settings all the way up, and only accepted friend requests from people I knew. Well, as the saying goes: all good things must come to an end eventually. May I mention before I continue that this one person had blissfully fallen off the face of the earth for about a year aside from the occasional blip here and there when someone runs up to me and says ‘hey, so and so was looking for you’.

She contacted someone on my buddy list, a girl she was familiar with, and had her write me. The message went along the lines of telling me that my grandpa’s house burnt down and that if I wanted the information needed to contact him I’d have to contact her. That’s really low, now I’ll admit the girl may have gotten what she said wrong or just wrote it in a really bad way but to be honest- I don’t give a darn either way. I have ways of finding out where my grandpa is and while I do intend to find him and make sure everything is alright part of me thinks something sounds awfully fishy about that story. My grandpa lives in an apartment complex for the elderly, it’s not an old folks home, it’s sort of like assisted living. Something just grooves against my thoughts on this one.

Anyways, I spent the entire night after the message laying in bed and trying not to let me brain betray me. I don’t know why I just couldn’t come out and say it at the beginning of the post but I had this constant thought popping in my head- a vision of sorts, of my ‘mother’ showing up the next time I was at the bookstore and literally clawing up the side of my face. I wonder what this says about my psyche or subconscious or whatever.

Either way I’m much too tired to contemplate it and all that jazz. I have no insight on the matter whatsoever so I’m going to spell check this real quick and go to bed. I don’t know why it took me so long to get to the point or why I even bothered to just call her a ‘relative’ until the end. I guessers I’m just so sick and tired of watching my back, guarding my name, or keeping track of her to make sure she isn’t going to show up at my house someday. Why can’t she just leave me alone? Hasn’t she done enough already? I don’t want her to make it better I just want to live my life- without her in it. She has no desire to make up, no desire to apologize. In her mind she has done nothing wrong and I’m the one who has committed some sort of great sin. In her mind I have become the new demon child. First it was one sibling, then the other as he too sought out safety, and now me.

I’m starting to rant. I think I’ll stop and put this away before I upset myself since this is actually a really good day. Now that it’s out of my system I feel… well, not better, but like I might sleep fairly well tonight.

Peace.

PS. I’ll catch up on comments and reading later. Tonight is for me.

Writing Group

October 23rd, 2008

4

Alright, I’ve made my decision. I’m going to try.

No clue what I’m talking about? You’re not alone. :)

I’ve always had this philosophy about things, though I seldom acknowledge until I need it, that if I want something and I can’t find it anywhere- I should make it. At work I affectionately call this spot of thought "Don’t see a pile? Make a pile." Meaning if you can’t find a place for whatever weird cooking utensil that is then make a place for it. Can’t find what you want in any store? Make it. Can’t find the perfect internet hangout for people with your interests? Make one. That’s what I did with my community site.

There are no writing groups in my area. I’ve looked, and looked, and looked but still found nothing. No, I take that back. I found several groups… online, downstate, upstate, and one just near enough I’d consider going to it if they didn’t require such a stupendous subscription fee that I wouldn’t pay even if I could afford it.

So, since I can’t find one I’m going to start my own. Er… try. I’m going to try to start my own writing group.

It’ll be a lot of responsibility, people might not show up, it could turn into a big chaotic fiasco, or I could just flat out fail miserably but I’m still going to try because for all I know I could start something great. It’s true, I’ve never even been to a writers group. In fact, unless you count the kickoff for the NaNoWriMo coming up (I’ll explain further down) I’ve never met another writer other than the one I live with and those who dare to bless me with their presence online. Even still- my lack of knowledge on the matter doesn’t make things worse in my eyes. In fact it makes then better, this way I am like a blank sheet of paper, coming into a new experience without any preconceptions or notions of what ‘should’ happen. This way- I will learn from what happens rather than what others say will happen and in my opinion that’s a valuable way to go about things.

I’m going to wait till after the first NaNoWriMo get together before I make any decisions on the matter- this way I’ll know what it’s like to get together with strangers who have something in common with me. That and if I decide to do this I’ll already have a way to connect with others from my area and ask if they want to come. :)

About that…

I’m so happy right now. Since the beginning of October I’ve been trying to put together a NaNoWriMo get together in my area. There wasn’t one last year but this year, thanks in no small part to my persistence and I’m proud to admit that, we have ten to fifteen people who’ll be coming up to the bookstore on various days. Many of them will be showing up there with me on the first day to celebrate the NaNoWriMo and all things writerly.

I’ve spent the past few days practically living in chat and speaking to all these people from my area who never in all their past years of doing the NaNo had a chance to get together with others because there were no get togethers for them to go to! I’m really starting to feel like this is going to work and if I can manage this, if I have it in me to organize one spontaneous little meeting in less than a month… what else am I capable of?

It boggles the mind! Well, alright, it might just boggle my mind but I like boggle, both the word and the game so I suppose it suits me.

I’ve found something out that not only boggles (yes, I’m growing attached to the word) my mind further but makes me exceptionally happy with myself. See, I am not a social creature, no matter what direction you look at me from. Groups of people make me cringe internally, speaking to those I haven’t known more than a year frightens me, and I just don’t do loud… anything. Yet, when it comes to getting a bunch of strangers together in a room and getting them to open up to one another and have a good time- I seem to be quite adept even though I’m still internally freaking out.

It’s been pointed out to me several times on my community site and when I bring together different groups of friends to meet for the first time. It’s been pointed out in chat and how when I leave sometimes everyone else goes quiet for a little bit. I feel… happy over this. :) Like I’m good at bringing people together and it makes me smile.

Still, I’m very unsure. Tomorrow’s going to be like a test run for me though. I’m going to the bookstore with my sis, Kei, and we’re (hopefully) going to meet with one of the WriMo’s that’ll be coming to our November first thing to discuss writing and how we might make the who gathering go a little smoother. This isn’t the first person I’ve gone off to meet someone I’ve met online (though it’s the first time I’m going to meet them after only speaking to them for a day) and it probably won’t be the last. Fortunately I’m not stupid. My husband is going to be there during the beginning, my sis the entire time, and we’ll all be in the nice public bookstore where all the staff know me by name and favorite isle to spend hours in so I’m not terribly worried about the whole online bit. I am worried about my social skills though, so, like I said. This is going to be a test. I’ll make it through tomorrow and I’ll make it through the meeting on the first. If I can do that and I still feel confident about this whole writer’s group thing then I’ll go forward with that first foot on the path and see where it takes me.

I figure if all goes well and I get this thing off on the right foot I could host meetings once a month, though all those I’ve suggested it to would prefer bi-weekly meetings incase they can’t make one. I suppose I can do bi-weekly, goodness know I can shift my work schedule to it but I have to figure out if I’m ready to do it that often or not. I already have two places in mind where I know I can hold them at though I have to check on the specifics, one is the bookstore and the second would be to ask a friend of mine up at work how I go about getting them to let me use one of the meeting rooms at the resort but the drive to me is a little out of the way and I’d rather the bookstore because 1. I don’t work there, 2. more people live near there, and 3. I’m always up there anyways.

Anyways, we meet whenever. Finding people is no trouble at all. We could get together for an hour or two, set aside time to talk about whatever, talk about writing, set aside a few minutes to write together, set aside some time to share if we feel like it and wing the rest. Or heck, wing it all, though I do intend on having some sort of battle plan just because I can. :) I figure I can bring snacks, easily, the first few times and maybe encourage the others to do the same later on once we know each other a little more.

What do you think? Someone please give me some feedback. I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I know I might be getting myself into something crazy but I really want to give it a try.

Delayed

October 22nd, 2008

6

Hello all! *waves* Sorry, I know it’s been a few days but I’ve been pretty sore lately with my back and all besides- the NaNo is coming up. How can I not be running around like a chicken with my head cut off? And enjoying it of course. :D

The NaNo chat room is turning out wonderfully! Took a tiny while to pick up but I’ve been in it a lot these past few days talking to other writers and having a great time getting to know them. Makes me a little sad though when I login and find out I’ve missed some of them but I can’t be in there all the time so hopefully I’ll catch them one of these times.

I’ve found two fellow NaNo’ers in my area (one really close by) who I know I’ll be meeting for sure this next month, the others… are a little more uncertain. A lot of them can’t come around till the end of the month which is alright but I was hoping to find a day we could all get together as a group. Oh, well though, we’ll figure it out in the end or I hope we will.

I’ve been thinking about an idea for the past six months or so… See, there aren’t any actual non-online writing groups in my area. Yeah, we have them in Michigan but they’re all down and upstate, the closest one costs a subscription fee of… well, let’s just say I wouldn’t pay it even if I could afford it. Anyways, I’ve been thinking about organizing my own writing group. I know if I really set my mind to it I could do it but- I don’t know. I’m still unsure of taking that final step and trying it out. I mean, if I try and it fails then either I learned one way not to go about it or I learn it’s not for me but either way it’s better not trying at all and possibly missing out on something good.

We’ll see. Any of you out there attend a writing group? Want to tell me about it? Please?

Today was pretty awesome. Picked up a friend of mind and hung out doing nothing in particular for several hours before her, Kei, and I went for a walk through the woods up to the Cemetery. I told them it was going to get dark before we got there and I was right too (!) but it’s alright because I had a flashlight with me so we walked around, in the black of night, reading gravestones and singing to the stars. It was wonderful!

Even better- we didn’t have to walk back. When we were done basking in the peace, the night, and the wilderness I called my mom-in-law and she came to get us. I was half asleep before we even got home so all in all it was a pretty awesome night. I brought my camera but I didn’t get any pictures because it was too dark and my batteries were still pretty low from our last excursion.

That reminds me (yes, this is going to be one of those random posts where I spring from topic to topic like a crazy lady) I made a photo video from all my recent wild life drives. It still needs a bit of clean up but I’m going to be putting it up here soon as well as a couple of other mini vids from this awesome scenic place I went to with Hunny the other day.

… This post has taken me like three days to write. My brain is all foggy and preoccupied so I’m just gonna leave it here and post it. :) Tomorrow I’m going to the museum. I’ll make a better post then.

NaNo: Kat’s Tail Synopsis

October 16th, 2008

4

Will catch up on comments tomorrow.

I don’t know why but every time I start writing about my project I start to get seriously hyped up. I just finished filling out my novel info section on my NaNoWriMo profile page and if I weren’t so tired I swear I’d run off and go type out another three or four scenes for the night but fortunately (I say fortunate because I have to work tomorrow and I need to get some sleep) I had such a wonderful running around kind of day that I don’t have enough energy left to even consider opening my word processor.

This is a screenie from my NaNo profile. I saved it because it just looks so nice.

In my opinion the summary doesn’t do it justice of any sort- that’s probably why I’m not half paranoid about sharing it but anyways, yeah, no justice done.

There’s so much I would have liked to put into this but- short and sweet seemed right and goodness knows how easily I could go off on a tangent about one of my stories.

Sometimes I just go on, and on, and on, and so far that it probably would have been easier to write the book. Lol. :)

Anyways, how’s my day been? Excellent. I went with my mom-in-law today to the museum and listened to another one of our relatives given an awesome lecture on Native Americans which was absolutely wonderful. You could tell that he loves what he does and I had a really great time. Rei, mom, and I are all going back again for another one next week and then we have another trip planned after that to go see the actual museum and spend hours upon hours combing it over with love and enthusiasm.

I’m considering volunteering up there this summer though I don’t know what use they’d find for me I’m sure I could do something to help. This summer is going to be awesome- I have so many things I want to do and I’m sure I won’t have time for all of it but that’s the fun of it. There’s so much in life to enjoy.

I really did enjoy that lecture today. It made me feel more connected with my new family and honored to be invited to attend. Better still- it actually helped me do some research for some of my other writings and I just feel so darn good for putting some new knowledge into my head. I tell you it’s strange not being in high school, or any non online school, for so long and then suddenly making yourself sit quietly in a room with others to listen to another for the sole purpose of learning.

So awesome.

I’m very, very tired and my only day of work this week is tomorrow. It’s sad because 1. we’re between seasons and there aren’t many hours going round and 2. because the one day they put me on is actually my two month anniversary and I was hoping to spend it at home lovingly torturing my wonderful husband but that’s alright. He’ll be up at the college anyways so I’ll just wait till the net day. :)

Anyways, double peace out for now. I need to sleep.

NaNo Plans

October 14th, 2008

8

Be warned: I’m typing this in a new bit of writing software that I’m not too used to yet so if this post seems a little off that’s why.

Ah, what a wonderful day. Went to Borders (book store) with Keiyou while my Husband was in class and sat around for a good four hours writing. It was beautiful. I love days like this when the planets seem to align just right and let me do my own thing via noveling.

Alas, though the planets may have been aligned I didn’t get nearly as much done as you’d think I would in four whole hours but I did bust a nice three and a half pages out. Not to mention the facts that one: my writing is uber tiny and two: we were in a public place that while usually mildly distracting turned out to be very loud today but I suppose it could be worse. I could have had my laptop with me and procrastinated the whole time on the internet. *smiles ruefully*

I think I’m starting to get a vague idea of how I’m going to handle the NaNo this year. I didn’t even realize I had a bit of a plan swimming around in the back of my head until a new writer buddy of mine (Chibi) mentioned something along my same line of thinking- which just goes to prove that great minds think alike. :)

See, the outline, and when I say that I mean a very vague/basic kind of outline, for Kat’s Tail is all done- a fact that leaves me dancing at random and singing nonsense all about the house. It’s the first time ever that I’ve gotten so close to feeling like it might just be possible for me to write what I consider a book.

Anyways, so my basic outline is done. I know where my plot is going and what my character’s motivations are. After that was done I started another outline, breaking it down a little and writing a little more specifically what happens in each scene or chapter- not actually sure if I have chapters but I’m splitting it down some invisible line that I can more feel than actually think about. Whenever I finish a good fairly vague chunk of that I go and make ‘another’ even more detailed outline that includes dialogue, descriptions, thoughts, feelings, and everything else. It’s very akin to a first draft but still very NaNo style (which is good practice at this point) as I don’t allow allow myself the liberty of a back button and well,… my spell check is in an entirely different piece of software than the one I prefer to use for my story writing.

Every time I re-write the entire story I add more detail. I write a good three or four chapters by hand before I go and type them up in rough draft form. It’s nice and it makes me feel more confident in the fact that I know my characters. My greatest fear in story telling, one of them, is that I write one think and then contradict it like twelve chapters later because most of this stuff is in my head without help from eternal sources. :) That and it’s wonderful to see a stack of papers like physical evidence that I really am achieving something and not just playing on the internet all night as I’m prone to do on occasion.

Anyways, as I’m already NaNo-rebelling, I think I’m going to continue my very basic outline of all the chapters and scenes and I’ll just hold off on actually typing it up until November. This way I’ll get a whole bunch of outlining done and I can just zoom along in my writing. Everything else though I’ll still be doing in traditional NaNo fashion. No looking back, no editing, racing against the clock, and freeing my self from all the rules. It truly is beautiful.

I’ve made a few new writing buddies via the blogosphere recently and it’d be awesome if you could give them a look sometime. Both are excellent writers in my opinion.

Chibi of Illuminated Words and Willow of The Ranting Willow.

Well, that’s it for this post. I have a whole bunch of other thoughts (and two short stories) I’ll be jotting down for your pleasure in just a few minutes but until then please let me know what you think of the new look. The header I made myself with verbal help from my husband and sis. The base design isn’t mine but the coloring and the center are. I’ve also change WW the site over to this look. Hopefully I’ll get that all revamped nicely soon. :)

Happy writing everyone and best blessings!

Pre-NaNo Giggles & Thoughts

October 12th, 2008

6

Writing, writing, writing. You’d think I’d have gotten bored by now with how much I immerse my self in the subject but truth be told- I’m far from it. How can one grow bored when they hold so many possibilities within their minds. I can create infinitesimal worlds, people to fill them, quirks for the people, and don’t even get me started on plot. There’s no end to the stories one can create. You don’t have to enjoy the process of putting words into some medium (paper/computer) and sharing them with the world, you just have to love playing make believe and saying ‘what if?’

I’m thinking I’m going to NaNo rebel this year. What does that mean? Instead of pulling a new story from the chasm of my mind and randomly splatting it on the paper at random without looking back or hitting the space bar I’m going to apply the same process to a story that’s already been finished in both my head and a very vague outline. I’m going to use this November to force myself to finish this wonderful story that’s been bursting to bloom from just behind my eyes.

butterfly_3_smI know I can write it on my own but… now and then I go a few days without working on it. I have what a friend of mine calls ADOSO or attention deficit, oh, shiny object! :) Every story, every character, every bit of prose that passes from one neuron to the other is like a shooting star and I just can’t resist. I probably write a good 30,000 or more a month… just not on any single project. Hence why I never seem to finish anything.

So, this year I’m going to take this opportunity- this mind bantering, beautiful, self inflicted, torture (that I absolutely adore!) and use it to channel my inner muse to finishing a single thought. I really want to get this story out there and I really think I have something this time. I know I say that with just about every story I’m working on until the next idea comes along to steal my attention but this time I really, really feel it.

When ‘Kat’s Tail’ came to me it was like a brick to the skull. You just can’t ignore a story idea like that.Trust me.

I tried!

I held out for about a week as I had another smaller, easier project I was trying so terribly hard to finish but then this idea came along- slowly at first like a little fish swimming along trough my veins. On occasion it would surface in my mind and I would watch it idly swim circles for awhile and then I would turn away from it to wok on my other projects saying to myself that if it’s truly meant to be it’ll stick in my head just a little longer till this other thing is finished.

It stuck around alright. One day I decided it had been bothering me enough and that maybe, just maybe I wanted to hang onto it for later. It’d kept me company long enough that I didn’t want to forget it so… I grabbed my notebook and I wrote it down.

That was my first mistake and by mistake I really mean that it was the best thing I’ve ever done since nothing like this has ever happened to me before.

First I just wrote a line. A basic, simple, thought. I put my notebook down and went back to whatever I was doing.

Then I came back.

I wrote a page. Just a few more thoughts, nothing specific, no names or faces and the like. Just a page.

Then I asked my self what if…?

Three days later I’d filled a whole third of a notebook (back and front on the pages) and I wasn’t even halfway through the idea- that thing I was talking about earlier, my little fish, no more than a minnow had grown into a shark and opening my notebook in the first place was like blood in the water.

Five more days passed and I finished outlining the whole story.

A month later and I had a good 16,000 words. Given, I’ve had better starts on other things but this time it just felt so good, so natural. I didn’t think, or look back, I haven’t yet hit backspace (unless you count after the cats run me over and type their kitty curse words all throughout my pages), and… it just flowed and it keeps on flowing at my current 34,000 words. I’m not even to my mental halfway point yet!

I love it but I can’t say I’ve truly created this story. It birthed itself from the collectives leftovers in my brain, like food left in your fridge so long it grows enough food it can practically make menu recommendations to you- probably not a good comparison. It wrote itself, I just sat there and made sure the words hit the notebook instead of napkins or whatever blank wall was near at hand. It finished itself, I merely sat there in awe as my hand, as if of it’s own accord, wrote fin in beautifully sloppy cursive.

Gosh I can’t wait to see what’s going to happen next!

Pardon my errors: This was written with great gusto and little care as to what’s proper as far as grammar… not to mention I have an oatmeal flake stuck inside my keyboard and I can’t seem to track it down right now. Or… at least, that’s what I think it is. Maybe the magical typing Faeries are just mad at me again for not finishing my latest short story or maybe… never mind. Methinks I need some form of sleep but I just can’t stop rambling on, and on, and on, and on, and….

NaNoWriMo: It’s coming!

October 7th, 2008

2

Wow, I can’t believe it’s been a whole year already. It doesn’t seem like that long ago since I participated in my very first NaNoWriMo. Heck, I hadn’t even heard of the thing till two days before and my decision to actually try it was made just a few short hours from the starting point. It was the very first time I saw something that huge from beginning to end and it was beautiful. Never in my life had I though I could write so much in so little time.

This year has been spent counting down the months, first to my wedding, and second to the nanowrimo_participant_icon_122x244NaNo. Even my husband is looking forward to it as he remembers how excited I was (not to mention the fact he could game online all he wanted without me bugging him).

This year is going to be even better for two, no three, reasons. The first is that I won’t be writing alone. This is Keiyou’s first year even hearing about the NaNoWriMo and together we make kids waiting eagerly for Christmas seem more than a little lax. I have tons of writing buddies but it’s a whole new thing when you can go and actually write with that person, each tucked nicely away in your own little bubbles, keyboards clicking away into oblivion. Given, I know I’m never alone but trying to talk to my Husband about the people in my head and explain that I really don’t have any control over what they’re doing… let’s just say he finds me to be very entertaining but trying to relate is a bit tougher. :)

Second: This year I plan on going to some of those NaNo get togethers I’ve heard so much about. Last year was my first and at that point in time going out to actually meet other writers… hell, I didn’t know I could do that. Now, after blogging so long I’ve come to discover that writers really do flock together from time to time to create and destroy their own little worlds. Hopefully I’ll make some new friends. I can hardly wait!

Thirdly: I’ve changed since last November- immensely. Last year I took up the NaNo just two short months after I started blogging. I was still in a very fragile state from the things I’d come out of. Foster care hadn’t been kind to my love of books or skill with the pen, in fact it had nearly destroyed a small part of me that I’d spent so long to carefully cultivate and protect from my mother all the years she had possession of me. Initially it was my husband who encouraged me to write again and unknowingly spurred me on through the blogging world. Since then, well, you can see blogging really took off and goodness knows how many projects I have going on right now via fiction.

This year really will be different. I’m looking forward with faith in myself and bravery a whole lot of things that scare me. Now and then I’m still a little scared someone might yell at me for what I put on the page but I no longer really care. I’m willing to risk any wrath to let me imagination be as it is and I will never apologize for what goes on in my head. If someone doesn’t like it then so what? I’m not forcing anyone to read anything… alas, now I’m going off on a rant related to my past and not one related to the present so I shall digress.

This year will be different. I can hardly wait, just a few more works until the chaos starts. If anyone out there is participating and you’re reading this please click the image or the "Where you can find me." page, visit my profile and send me a message. I’d really love to connect.

Until then, peace out and blessed be all you artists and writers out there. May your ink and paint of heart never run dry and may your soul forever be an unfilled page- a book forever being written as pages turn beneath your feet and images soar from your fingers.

So Much Has Happened

July 9th, 2008

4

Hello all! I’ve missed you. Sorry I haven’t blogged much these past few days but between writing, work, school, and wedding planning *grin* it’s been a busy month for me and I haven’t had much time to asses my thoughts let alone compose them enough to share them.

So, to get caught up let’s start with the easy stuff and work our way sideways. :)

Wedding - Just thirty some days till the big day! We went shopping today in relation to dresses. For more info on that though you should read my wedding update just a post before this one.

School - I’m half way to the end. :) I have 102 exams total and I just finished my 51st a couple of days ago which brought my GPA up a point (each one counts!) to 84. I have 10 more classes left, 5 of which are electives which will include the last 25 exams. I have 3 writing exams that are as good as done that need to be mailed in and another 6 for biology that I need to complete ‘within’ the next week and a half if I’m to finished by my desired deadline.

I’ve started looking at classes available for electives (more for fun and procrastination than anything else) and I’m thinking I’m definitely going to take Spanish. I would rather take French but they don’t offer it. I love learning languages- I know some Gaelic, lots of Latin, enough Japanese to form sentences or at the very least tell someone off, and half a dozen naughty words in other languages but I don’t think those quite count. ;) I also want to take Psychology because it interests me very much and this is the test period before college so to speak. If I can’t pass the class in high school I’ll know it’s not for me.

Thanks to one of my brother’s and both my friends pointing out a hidden (or not so obvious to me) skill of mine I’m definitely going to take these two computer classes. I hadn’t ever thought about it before but I really love working on my website, I’m good at problem solving, and creating things so programming or web design might be future careers for me somewhere along the lines- if anything the classes could help me hone my hobbies a bit more because I’m a little uncertainly I’d be good at it if I ‘had’ to do it. I’m terrible that way.

So, that’s four classes, three if I decide to only do the one computer class but it seems the two go kind of hand in hand as far as I see it. If I narrow it down to just the three though I want to take a writing class that’s specific to grammar and style. It’s my weak point as far as writing goes. My final choice would be an easy class to finish off with such as Keyboarding. :D I can already type a good deal a minute and who knows I might be able to bring my speed up even more which would certainly help me keep up with my racing thoughts when writing.

I’d take more writing classes, honest, but their selection is a bit dreary. To top it off my target deadline will either be right before or right after the NaNoWriMo (I won’t be doing any schooling during November) and I distinctly remember not writing hardly anything for an entire month afterwards so I’d really rather not ‘have’ to this time around if I can help it.

Work – It’s getting better. We’ve lost some oldies, gained some newbies- some really good hard working newbies that I actually get along with which is nice. I’ve been putting in a lot more hours lately and I’m up to five or six days a week all the way up to the wedding so I’m pretty tired. There’s a lot of not so cool stuff going on that’s a bit complicated to explain so I’m not even going to try. I was going to mention something but I just deleted the paragraph three times so… mayhaps it’s best not to.

Webbing – My site could be going better. From time to time it seems like too much for me to handle. Not the making- I love that, and not the helping of people- I love that even more, but the managing of people and the constantly posting in the forum to keep up with and keep bringing people around. That get’s a bit hard on me and makes me feel a bit stretched thin. I don’t do social well and with everything else going on right now I’m a little worried that it might suffer. We’ll see. Even if it does I know I can revive SH easily but still for all I know I could be losing members at the same time and that bothers me. A lot.

Even though I’m struggling to keep up with my ever growing community website I’m in the midst of plans for another not quite as interactive website. More specifically- a writing related website. I’ve started a private blog where I’m testing some of my ideas out with help from Jo and so far so good but I’m not quite ready to make the plunge yet. I’m ready to commit myself to another project, especially this one since I’d be able to go at my own pace and it’s be more creation than interaction, but I’m not ready to ‘start’ it yet. I’m worried that I might be way out of my league though I know in much sense I’m not and something else seems to be holding me back to but I’m not quite sure what it is yet. It’s as if some part of me just knows now is not the time. A moment will come when I can’t help myself and the idea will spring to life almost of it’s own accord and that will be the time.

My greatest web related prayer is that my friends and Co-Admins in training, Branth and Crystal, have enough patience to bear with my ever changing moods and disappearances on SH. I know they will, but I hope nevertheless.

Writing - I saved this one for last (I think) just because we all know how I can go on and on about this subject.

In the past twelve days I’ve written over 19,000 words for this one story of mine. The outline has been finished, and the main draft is nearly complete. To top it off I already have a second book to it completed outlined. This story, which popped up ever so rudely but thankfully in the midst of one of my other projects, has practically written itself. I had a random idea one day and I went to note it down- next thing I knew I had ten or so pages handwritten back and front and a nearly formed idea in my head. It was awesome.

I honestly think it might be complete (minus the editing process) by September. I’m so proud of myself! :)

I just finished two short stories which as soon as I tuck up the nerve I’ll be sharing on my private writing blog most of you have access to. One of them was written only a few minutes ago- inspired by an image on the television sadly. It was after an episode of Cold Case Files, a man left a white rose on a playground swing. The imagery hit me in the skull with force of, well… blam! :)

On another note I’ve started to seek out freelancing opportunities on the side but I have a feeling that nothing will find me till just after the wedding. Call it intuition, and by then I’ll have less on my plate which will help a ton.

Okay, well, this is a long post. I need food, sleep, and to write down these other few ideas that just attacked me so… night night all. Love and peace to you all. May your days be bright or may you at least be able to search the darkness for the light. May you find happiness, safety, and most of all- love.

I’ll catch up on comments tomorrow.

Really Long Writing Meme

May 28th, 2008

3

I’ve found this meme on like four random blogs so I decided to do it because I was bored. Try it if you want as I’m too tired to tag anyone. I’d love to read everyone else’s.

What’s the last thing you wrote?
Do my answers for this meme count? What about my last blog post? If neither then I would have to say the second to mid part of an outline for an idea of mine. Very obscure.

Was it any good?
It was an outline. I’m not sure it could be good or bad.

What’s the first thing you ever wrote that you still have?
That I still have? Hmm… about 120 pages of a very crappy rough draft for a story of mine that’s still on the back burner. The idea came to me when I was six and stuck with me till I was twelve and tried to write it down. It’s still in my head but it’s grown so much I’m not sure I’m really ready to finish writing it right now.

Write poetry?
On occasion.

Angsty poetry?
Amazingly no. Angsty stories yes, poetry no.

Most fun character you ever wrote?
It’s a tie between my two characters Shadia and Hope, both are a bit on the rough and tough side in plain sight but are secretly very complex and slightly pained on the inside. They can go from very quiet to very loud at a moments notice and don’t take crap from anyone. Better still while they might not know how to save themselves (often from themselves) they would do anything to help a friend- except admit it of course. They’re both fighters to the very end and while not truly the main characters in either of my stories they help the weaker chars. find their own path through hardship.

Most annoying character you ever wrote?
Mindy. A fictional preppy based on a real life preppy in the most stereotypical of fashions. Alas, she was even worse in real life.

Best plot you ever wrote?
Ooo, this latest one of course! It’s always the latest one but this last one is really truly awesome. Sadly I have yet to name the story let alone half the characters. Let’s just call it Kat for now shall we?

Coolest plot twist you ever wrote?
Bear with me since I don’t want to give away too much. It’d be hard to make it sound as ‘cool’ as it is in my head and make sense without giving the whole story away. Girl rescues vampire. Vampire and girl save something. Vampire has to kill girl to save her (reincarnation and such play a big part in this). Girl turns out to be vampire’s fiance’ from the 1600s who he thought had died. When girl comes back she has no memory. It’s way more awesome in my head okay.

How often do you get writer’s block?
Sometimes I struggle for a sentence or I back myself into a tiny plot hole but that’s really rare. Less than once a month and rarely lasting more than a day.

How do you fix it?
I sit there and stare at my paper or computer screen until my brain spits out something that pleases me. I will not move from that spot until I come up with something, anything.

Do you type or write by hand?
Both but I prefer to type unless I’m outlining or brainstorming.

Do you save everything you write?
The pack rat in me tries to, traitorously telling me that it’s all good and that I can do something with it someday but then the logical part of me that knows what trash looks like will knock that other part unconscious and throw it out when it’s not looking- occasionally regretting it later.

Do you ever go back to an old idea long after you abandoned it?
Abandon an idea? Never! I just tuck them away in an obscure notebook until I know what to do with them.

What’s your favorite thing that you’ve written?
Not sure to be honest.

What’s everyone else’s favorite thing that you’ve written?
I haven’t shown enough people my writing to know that and those I’ve shown haven’t see a ‘lot’ of my writing.

Do you ever show people your work?
On a brave or proud occasion.

Who’s your favorite constructive critic?
My Hunny!

Did you ever write a novel?
I’ve written a whole story in cliff note-like form but I’m not sure that counts. I’m very close though.

Have you ever written fantasy, Sci-fi, or horror?
Yes! Fantasy all the time. Sci-fi when the mood strikes. Horror only when I get the ideas for it.

Ever written romance or teen angsty drama?
Alas, I have.

What’s one genre you have never written, and probably never will?
Historical non-fiction.

How many writing projects are you working on right now?
Okay this took me longer than it should have to figure this out but I have 3 active on a daily basis projects, 10 active on a weekly basis projects, and over 20 brewing or on the back burner projects.

Do you want to write for a living?
Yes and no. Yes because as they say you should do what you love but no because I don’t want to ‘have’ to write and have all the fun and spirit sucked out of it. I suppose it depends on all the circumstances.

Have you ever written something for a magazine or newspaper?
Sure, I’ve written ‘for’ magazines. I’ve just never gotten anything put in them as of yet. *winks*

Have you ever won an award for your writing?
Lots of blogging awards from my writing buddies. :)

Ever written something in script or play format?
Yes, especially when all the ideas for dialogue are coming out of my brain too fast for me to worry about story format.

What is your favorite word?
Uber.

Do you ever write based on yourself?
Yes but I try very hard to give them at least one really big quirk that seems so unlike me that people won’t make the connection too quickly.

Which of your characters most resembles you?
I’d like to say it’s the particular one but now that I think about it I’m not really sure. Zaklas probably, a shadow brought up in shadows and controlled without knowing it until he was shown mercy by those he was taught where his enemy. He had to learn to feel emotions and soon turned into a completely different person, even taking on a new name in later chapters.

Where do you get ideas for your characters?
From the voices in my head. You think I’m joking? Ha!

Do you ever write based on your dreams?
Yes, often but that usually turns out to be some pretty scary stuff.

Do you prefer happy endings, sad endings, or cliff-hangers?
Happy. Cliffs make me angry and sad ending force me to create happy ones in my head because that’s just the way I am.

Have you ever written anything based on an artwork you’ve seen?
Not that I can think of off the top of my head unless you count prompts.

Are you concerned with spelling and grammar as you write?
Never, only afterwards. NaNoWriMo taught me the pros of locking my inner editor in a closet.

Ever write something entirely in chatspeak?
No!!! Do people really do that?! I can’t imagine such a thing! I mean I occasionally use LOL and *wink* or :) in my writi
ng but… no. Heck no. I just couldn’t do that.

Does music help you write?
Constantly.

Are people surprised and confused when they find out you write well?
If they are they haven’t told me but as to whether or not they think I write ‘well’ I’m not certain.

My Writing Life – Part Two

May 10th, 2008

8

Continued from here.

A couple of months later I moved in with my Hunny and this is where I get back to the point I was trying to make at the beginning of part one.

Without my Hunny I don’t think I would have gotten back into writing the way I have. True, I would have gotten back into it eventually but I honestly feel that could have been years from now.

Each day he encouraged me. I would say things like “I wish I could just get it all out of me like I used to” and “I want to be a writer someday” or the ever popular “Damn it” which tends to say it all. Each time though he would reply simply “You need to teach yourself some discipline, do a little each day” or “You’ll get there just keep trying”. Where I can say many things with a single stroke of the pen he can speak volumes in just a single whisper. It’s amazing and it really affected me and continues to do so each and every day.

Though my mother was a writer, of sorts, she never praised me on my work. If she read it at all it wasn’t when I was around and when I left it wasn’t one of the things she fought for (to understand this better you’d have to read “It’s Just Paper” an earlier post of mine). In foster care I felt as though my writing would be exploited or used against me so I showed it to no one, but he- he read my poetry and eventually, much later on, read some of my other works.

He gives me an honest opinion, blunt but never painful. Whenever I get into those uber dreamy modes and start talking about maybe being being a published author someday or finding this or that job that could allow me to write full time he supports me, reminds me what I need to do to get there, and is continually goading me “Write, Hun, write!”

When the NaNoWriMo came around he continued to lend me his support. I was a bit scared, I’d only just started blogging and because of such I had very few writer friends to freak out along side of. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to do it and if I didn’t then I’d prove I couldn’t accomplish anything- my still constant fear. He made me a deal and needless to say when I did finish my 50,000 words my Hunny took me out to Red Lobster for the most wonderful dinner ever.

It really meant a lot to me.

He bought me a laptop for my 18th birthday so I could write in peace on a place of my own and since has helped me find any and all books on writing I could possibly want or need. Buying things doesn’t really count as much in my mind but it’s the thought behind them that he’s willing to give me a place I feel secure to write and help me improve my craft with books on the subject.

He’s always talking about sending me to some writing class or group as soon as we find one nearby. He’s such a sweetheart but the greatest gift he’s given me as of yet, the one that helps me with my writing most of all, is the life we live together. My writing life with him.

We’ll wake up, him with his up of coffee and me with my tea, share a few tender words or jokes, and then set off to our separate little worlds together. He’ll delve into his gaming and I’ll delve into my writing. Each on our own computers, in our own little places, doing what we love to do best and giving each other praise and words of confidence.

He’ll drive up to the city and go to class and I’ll stay in Borders for a couple of hours writing away in one of my many notebooks. He’ll return and we’ll scan the shelves together.

He gives me suggestions when I’m brain dead, back rubs when I’ve forgotten I need to move around after a couple of hours, and he tells me to go to sleep when I accidentally stay awake writing till our usual wake up time.

He lets me have my space to write, and I him his space to game. Everyday he tells me to write and everyday I tell him to go shoot things and relax. It may seem simple, or odd, or something else entirely but to me it’s everything to have someone who supports me so much and just let’s me be me.

It’s because of him I’ve written more in these few short months than I have in my entire lifetime. It’s because of him I was able to find myself again and feel alive. And it’s because of him that I was able to find the courage to pick my pen back up and put it to the paper like a true warrior of the written word.

Thankies Hun. I know you don’t read this blog because I’ve never told you about it but if I ever get the courage to show you I want you to know just how much I love you.

I Did The NaNoWriMo!

November 29th, 2007

6

I did it! I can’t believe I actually did it! Big Grin And to top it all off I survived. Woo-hoo.

I only heard about the NaNo a day or so before it was about to begin. I had head the phrase NaNoWriMo several dozen times as of late, especially on all the writing sites and blogs I’m prone to visit and finally curiosity got the better of me. I went and checked it out.

When I first got to the site it was slow and I almost lost patience but when the window finally opened I was completely intrigued and instantly consumed by the whole concept of writing without looking back and reaching what seemed like an impossible count of 50,000 words in thirty days. I began writing right at midnight and aside from getting sick a total of three times during the month I tried to write every day. Towards the end I didn’t think I would make it.

Last night I reached 48 thousand some odd by 7 am. I was rushing to catch up because I felt bad for skimping a couple of days. This was my one chance to prove to myself that I could in fact finish something I started and I didn’t want to mess it up. I can let other people down and survive the momentary guilt but if I let myself down then there’s no turning back. I wanted to keep writing and finish it that morning but common sense told me that sleeping three hours a night was a bad idea so I went to bed and started on it again immediately when I woke up.

I was updating my word count every hundred words at this point and praying to every deity I could imagine or name that my computer didn’t suddenly fry (it has happened before in such a moment) or one of the cats would come across and hit the power button. True to my luck my internet almost died while updating my count the last time and I swear I almost cried- but I survived and so did my net.

I have sat in front of my laptop for thirty days attempting to work primarily on one project (something that isn’t easy for me) and one project only. I have slept little and lost my glasses often but I made it. I’m proud of myself. I’ve always been afraid that I wouldn’t be any good at writing merely because I have trouble finishing things. I think I would be crushed if I couldn’t do anything with my writing just because I was overly lazy.

To all my fellow NaNos: It’s not over yet. Even if you don’t finish on the deadline, keep trucking and finish in your own time. That’s all that matters in the end. Get to your goal and keep the cats off the keyboard.

Roses!

November 14th, 2007

2

*Dances around in happy little circles singing: My hunny brought me flowers!* I’m so happy. I’m still sick but happy none the less. He brought me home a whole bouquet with pink, yellow, light red, and dark red roses all mixed together.

I wish I could write a more meaningful post but I’m so sick I’m hardly getting my NaNo writing done. I just had to tell the world that I got flowers. :)

I feel so loved.

A Hex On The Flu

November 12th, 2007

3

Well, that’s that. I have the flu. I haven’t written NaNo stuff for the past two days because I’ve been miserably unconscious. I’ll play catch up tomorrow though, I’m already up to 17 thousand some odd so I don’t think I’ll far too badly behind. Then I can get back to my usual posting as well. :)

Just Stuff

November 5th, 2007

0

I haven’t done any NaNo writing yet today. Just woke up in fact and praying that my power doesn’t go out. I really dislike Michigan, stormy today, worse tomorrow. Yay! *sarcasm intended*

They tried to call me into work today. I told them I didn’t have a ride which is for the most part true but I suppose I could have found one if I wanted to, alas, they called me long before my wake up time and with the bed time Valiums I can’t be held accountable for what I say when barley conscious. :)

On a better note: I just made a submission to Anderbo. We’ll see if they like my stuff. I’d be happy even if they just sent me a rejection letter. It seems every where else I have submitted they forget to get back in touch with me and I end up having to contact them weeks later. I shall live though. I’m certain this is what every good writer goes through. We do what we love and being rudely ignored by editors is the price.

Well, I’m off. I need to track down some food and then call someone else into work before I can even consider NaNo on my checklist of things to do today.

Peace all.

NaNo Update #4

November 5th, 2007

0

Well, I’m just a tid bit under 11,000. Now I’m starting to really struggle and keep focus. I will do this- I just gotta keep telling myself that and make myself write. If I never acomplish anything great in the world I writing I would still like to finish this.

I’m hungry.

Inspiration

November 3rd, 2007

0

It can strike at any moment. Seemingly random but perfectly legit inspiration sneaking up on people and ambushing them when they least expect it.

The other day I was out walking my cat and a small guest of wind came along. A bunch of leaves came down from the trees like a gentle but fire colored snow fall. I was completely enthralled for what seemed like an eternity but in reality was only mere seconds.

I looked down at the ground and amidst all the beautiful and perfect looking leaves I found one that called out to me. It wasn’t the deepest red or the brightest orange. It didn’t fade from one hue to next nor was it entirely whole, but it was my inspiration. That one little bedraggled leaf- more brown than gold with the corners turning up from having fallen days ago- was perfect for me.

I took it inside and saved it in plastic wrap so the kitties wouldn’t eat it and began to write. I wrote about falling stars, past memories, even a poem or two all because of that single decomposing piece of leaf.

There is so much in this world that offers inspiration. Heh, I heard a half remembered song from my childhood and started writing a short story because of it. Don’t laugh, the song was from an old anime show I used to watch when I was like 6…. yes, it was Sailor Moon. *laughs internally at self* *scolds self for laughing* *laughs harder at the insanity of scolding one’s self* *pouts*

I think I’ve had too much sugar today or mayhaps the NaNo is wreaking havoc on my brain, alas, this was a very random post indeed.

NaNo Update #3 and Other Stuff

November 3rd, 2007

0

Well, last night I made it to 9000 and it’s getting a bit harder because the next area I’m writing about I didn’t exactly plot so thoroughly in my head… :) But, alas what’s a challenging journey without a little unplotted adventure? I’m not even speaking of the story in that last sentence but you know what I mean.

On a slightly mild note I’m still working on the reincarnation for my site. Struggling to find new content- alas, I can only write so much of it and with all the fixes going on my member traffic has slowed a bit but I’m happy to say that I’m still getting newbies at least. That much I can be happy about.

If any one’s looking for a place to publish various articles and such for like add space or something (as I am poor and can’t spare a penny:( ) let me know and I’ll hook you up.

Well, that was my self spam for the day. Back to writing.

NaNo Update

November 3rd, 2007

2

Woot! (tendency of picking up words. Lol.) I’m up to 8000 some odd. I updated my count just before leaving work and in a few moments I’m going to get back into it. There’s so much more I could be working on but I really want to do this. If I could finish something… I’d be so happy. One of my greatest fears about getting into the business of writing is that I never seem to finish anything I start- this will be a big step. If I could finish a rough and crappy draft of a novel… wow!

Enough said right?

NaNoWriMo!

November 1st, 2007

4

Well, I’m doing the NaNoWriMo this year. If you don’t know what that is go look it up I’m too ‘wow’ to explain at the moment.

I started writing right at 12 and it’s 1:30 right now, I already have 2000 words done. :) Just thought I’d post an update for anyone who cares.

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