Written Whispers

[Posted without more than checking the spelling, deal with it.]

A great day with little accomplished but what few things have gotten done,… well, they were as great as my day. :)

Woke up this morning with a plot in my head- this is the second morning like this in fact, and just had to start writing right away because it wouldn’t let me out of it’s fascinating grip until I had a good three pages of jarble on the laptop. I’m so happy I’ve started sleeping with it nearby, a word pad file open and waiting because goodness knows I have better chances of deciphering my terrible ‘just woken’ typing than my ‘completely awake’ scribbles.

Can’t have coffee but boy do I enjoy a good dose of virtual ink in the morning. :)

Ah, I’m so tempted to abuse my emoticons and post little :) :D :p ;) all over the place. A naughty habit to my writing that I only let rein in my blogging but only to a certain extent. Lol.

Two great things have happened today;

Firstly- well, it happened second but I want to mention it first because I live in the wonderful world of backwards randomness, I finally got the courage to show a bucket load of my writing to some of my biological family. Now, I’m not always a non confident person by nature… just with some things. I know I’m a good writer. I have great self esteem,… but at the same time I have a hell of a time pulling up the courage to show my writing to anyone.

Except for here of course but that doesn’t count. I’m just pushing a little button and wondering at the off chance that someone might see it. :)

Actually showing my work to others is a much more difficult task simply because I know I’ll get a response. Given, nowadays I know that response is more than likely going to be a good one… it’s still really hard. I don’t even show my writing to my Hubby until I’m sure I like because I might be able to tolerate criticism from strangers- I often laugh at it in fact, but if someone close to me were to even slightly say that I might be better trying something else… I’ll be very tempted to appease that person.

I no longer appease anyone but myself of course but the urge is there. Nevertheless, I’m so glad I sent my writing. :) It made me so happy to get the response I did and now I think I might have to pull out a bunch more writing just so I can hear some more. :D

There’s an emoticon again. :) And another one, which brings me to the second- which actually was the first, thing that happened to me today.

I found my friends!!!

Warning: I’m extremely tempted to start speaking like an LOL cat here but I shall attempt to restrain myself. :) Though more smiley faces might shine through as I can only contain so much happiness before it spill out onto the net and contaminates everything else. :) :) :)

I found them, I found them, I found them!

There are these two particular friends of mine,… well, they’re just wonderful. They’re my very best friends next to Keiyou and my adoptive sister. I just can’t put it into words… Oh, hell, I’m a writer. Of course I can. ;)

Back when I transferred into my first high school (my previous school didn’t have grades- art academy) I was all alone. I’d gone to the school a year prior but even then I didn’t get to know anyone and I most certainly didn’t keep up with any of them. My adoptive sister was one grade behind me so she was still in middle school.

I literally ‘knew’ absolutely no one. It was very daunting, fortunately my adoptive sister’s cousin (so my adoptive cousin if you’re attempting to follow this) tried keeping me close for awhile and introducing me to her friends. Unfortunately we’re some very different people. She, and her friends, are party animals. The very epitome of social butterflies while I was… socially stunted for lack of a nicer way to put it. I’d just moved out of my bio parent’s house and I was still pretty lost. :p

My cousin seemed to get the whole lost thing so when it turned out we had different classes she tried introducing me to someone else I could follow around like a lost puppy. That’s how I met J who introduced me to N and the two of them introduced me to all their other wonderful friends.

They were still much more social than me but I think even a wall could achieve that. I think the real reason I became so attached to them was because they were just so wonderfully weird, random, and open about everything like I wanted to be. It was just so amazing to be around people who were so awesome. I’d never had friends like that before.

I give my adoptive family a lot of credit for making me the person I am today and my past obviously had quite a bit to do with that as well but in the end I honestly think the two of them are a big reason why I opened up as much as I did. I wouldn’t have nearly as much respect for being random if I hadn’t met them.

Thank you! Both of you!

:) I’m so glad to have been found by you and find you myself all over again. :)

(Isn’t that a great title for a post? Eye catching.)

Blarg. My mind is awake- or as awake as it gets, but everything else feels so tired. My body aches, bones and muscles screaming abuse even though I’ve been rather gentle on them of late. My eyes feel heavy and my face burns- either a tooth, sinus infection, or both that have gone really bad.

But my mind is awake.

Awake. Awake. Awake.

Too awake.

I’ve been doing a lot of novel editing, more precisely plot, dialogue, and character editing. It’s fun on some level. The saddistic part of me that playfully calls itself ‘writer’ with a big toothy grin seems to enjoy taking apart my story and shaping it into something similar but slightly shinier. It cackles every time the inner editor comes out of the mental closet- where is usually belongs… until I need it.

Then there’s this other part of me, a much larger portion of myself that also calls itself ‘writer.’ It’s a proud creature dedicated to the craft of creation, seeing wisdom and light in every letter to the page, a new dance in every scene that comes together with plotful development- no matter how small. It also claws the walls and bangs it’s head fruitlessly ever single time the ‘oppressive’ red pen comes out to ‘put it down.’

Did I mention I used to be a protester of sorts? That second part of me would rather like me to mention that right now.

In short- I love and hate editing. Love it because I love story creation in general, hate it because,… well, many reasons. Not so much that I’m ‘editing’ the story but because editing is a tedious process that I’m still very new too.

Alas, as much as I hate it the second (larger) part of me (that has been throwing temper tantrums at the whole process) has to admit that a great story is a lot like a bonsai tree. It’s a beautiful living creature that wants to be shared with the universe. You might not want to prune it but in the end it can be a meditative task that will make it much more than just a simple tree.

Sadly, meditation still requires patience and a certain degree of discipline… I’m working on that.

In other news, before I get way off track, I joined the great evil known as FaceBook. I’m hopelessly addicted already but it’s still evil because it’s a social network and I have a personal vendetta against all things with the word social in them. I have other reasons I’m biased but this is a happy post and I don’t want to get into it right now.

So, yeah. Me – FaceBook – You go. – Click. Click. – Now.

In other news… I’m hoping to get my hair Barbied, re-purpled, and chopped before anyone else can see it. In English this means: I need to have it bleached, dyed, and cut before I work next. :)

Lastly, I’m still thinking about changing my username but I’ve been known as Spirit for so long… perhaps a new “pen” name for this new stage of life will do me good. I’ll still use Spirit in certain places because it’s who I am in those places but as I branch out with my writing I’m starting to feel a certain sense of longing for something else.

We’ll see where that leads. I gotta flow where my heart flows or the happy well of writerly spadunk runs dry and I start driving people (mainly myself) crazy and we just can’t have that now can we?

I’m off to go do more editing. Wish me luck… or foodles. I like foodles.

Peace, love, and peanuts!!!

~ Mmm, peanuts. ~

Wow, last year is over… yay! Finally. Don’t get me wrong- 2009 had it’s up points but I’m glad to see it gone. I was thinking about it on New Year’s night (at work obviously) when someone asked me how my day was going. At first I was going to say I was having a bad day but then I realized my day had lasted awhile. I almost said I was having a bad week, but that didn’t quite cover it either. Month? More like months.

It was just a bad year for me. It’s a good thing though- a blessing in disguise if you want to add a cliche to it, because it just means whatever happens this year I’ll have 2009 to look back on and say ‘well, it could be worse.’ :) Purple haired people such as myself tend to be optimistic if you haven’t noticed. Well, most of the time. Once I start down the darker path I’m gone but tonight isn’t one of those nights and the dark is just an old friend with an odd way of showing his companionship.

So what’s new for me this year? Nothing much. At least not yet. I’ll have to see what happens.

My resolution: To watch more television… No, seriously. I got the idea from a commercial. I’m going to watch more television. Not because I like television- I don’t, but because I need to sit around doing nothing a little more. Not that I don’t do that enough, I’m just usually trying to accomplish something and accomplishing nothing makes me feel worse. So I’m going to try for less projects, more relaxation, finishing the projects I have started.

Sounds simple, huh? Watch me fail at this one too, lol.

I suppose this is kind of late as far as New Year’s posts go but I’ve been busy at work and other places. Kei and I started a new blog together and I’ve been catching up with posting around some other places on the net so I’ve been slacking over here. Still, I feel pretty good at how much I’ve done.

- Started Abridged Coffee, a place for our web comics (and future graphic novels) and love of the anime social culture.

- Posted on the main part of WW, I’m still not sure what direction I’m going with that part of the site. I may end up moving my blog there and turning one of my old domains into a writing site. We’ll see.

- I’ve played a lot of Sims3… perhaps you don’t count that as an accomplishment but I do. It’s all part of that relaxing and finding controllable stress thing. :)

- I read the latest Karen Chance novel. She’s my favorite author and I’ve just been counting down the days to this more recent release. So awesome.

- I’ve been reading a bunch of everyone’s blogs even if I haven’t been commenting. I’m a bit anti-social that way but I’m resolving, somewhere inside my head where post it notes don’t always get lost, to start making more comments. Oh, and I’ll be replying to comments up here a little later tonight. I always reply just not in a timely fashion.

- Thinking about changing my blogging pen name to match my pen name I use for my writing in other places. Feeby Neko. Whatcha think?

I was tweaking my template some more recently- thinking about just designing my own, when I noticed my little archives widget way down at the bottom of my sidebar. Can you believe I’ve been blogging since 2007? Really! I have 365 posts including this one and close to 2000 comments including my own replies (which actually make up less than half because I used to reply to all commenters within a single comment before we had threading).

This blog has come a long way from where it began. :) I don’t know why or how but it has and I’m glad of that because as I look through my posts I see shards of myself I couldn’t be happier sharing. Even the darker stuff.

Happy New Year everyone. Peace, love, and peanuts!

So, I’m back. I had a great little trip and despite it I’ve decided to never ride in any kind of vehicle with my sister- Cat, and her husband ever again! It’s not that he’s a bad driver. No, not at all. It’s more that they’re both very vocal and argumentative people, which I’m sure explains why they fell in love in the first place. They constantly acted like each car held a terrible driver, cursing them out and then explaining to my poor frazzled nerves how they could have killed us.

The irony of this situation?

I have a borderline phobia of riding in cars that includes much flinching, a straight back, teeth grinding, and eventually just squeezing my eyes closed and hoping it will all go away. It didn’t much help things that my sister had to go and tell me they’d disabled the air bags- oh, and did I mention there were no back seats?

Yes. My nerves are shot. Thankfully on the ride back I not only had my MP3 player cranked to the nines but I also had some very nice sleeping pills. They may not have knocked me out but it’s my understanding that not only was I very entertaining but I was also very ‘mellow.’

All that jazz aside it really was a great visit. No asthma attacks or fighting. It really was great to get out of the house and see everyone- especially now that the snow’s falling and work’s picked up (i.e. I probably won’t be able to visit again until Spring). Some bad news though…

I forgot my glasses.

Glasses I need.

Really, really need.

I don’t use them at the computer because I get this weird sort of headache and I can go and just turn the font up anyways but for things like work, my appointments (I have one tomorrow), READING ANYTHING that’s not on the computer. Yeah. Not good. I’m hoping I can convince sis to bring them up to TC- the half way point in the four hour drive it takes to get from here to there and back again, sometime for me.

On another topic, I’m feeling a bit anxious right now. I don’t know if it’s my usual random anxious that’s part of the PTSD junk or if it’s just because I know I start with the new therapist tomorrow. Maybe it’s both, either way despite how tired I am I feel jittery enough to run a marathon. My brain has this huge file system for different self tortures and right now it’s rather keen on pulling up useless fretting and a few perfectly illogical tragedies to worry about.

It’s just peachy.

I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. Some people think it’s all in my head. Some people think there really is wrong with me. What do I think? I think there is something wrong with me and it’s in my head!

I’m feeling a very literal urge to bang my head against something. That and the above aside I think I’m in a pretty good mood. It’s hard to tell sometimes but I guess I feel good. I’m sooooo glad to be home. I missed my Hubby so much even though I was only gone for a couple of days.

My thoughts are jumbled. I’ll probably post again in a few hours- hopefully catch up on some blog reading now that I can’t read books (until I get my glasses back- funny how my Hubby finds his ((gone for 6 months)) right when I lose mine). :) Night.

New word of the day: Conflubercated [con-floob-er-kate-ed]

*sigh* For the six of you trying to reach me by instant messenger- if you’re using anything other than a gmail account (right now) then my messages aren’t getting through. My msn net passport isn’t logging me in at the moment and while on online instant messengers I can ‘see’ you online I’m thinking you can’t receive my messages be I visible or not. Even my Pidgin program won’t load my msn for a moment.

Why?

Well, according to the msn peoples some server related to my account is being tinkered with or something. I don’t really get it and that’s saying something from a computer nerd like me. You can reach me via my email (gmail), I have it open all day and I can use that to email you back and forth.

As for those of you trying to call me- I don’t have my phone. Sorry but someone else needed it for the night. If you don’t have gmail messenger please email me and we’ll figure it out from there.

On an unrelated note- I wonder how many deaths per year (roughly) are related to spoons? I tried to look it up online but I couldn’t figure it out. Anyone know where I could look this up?

-Peace

“Okay, okay. I’ll take the green ones and you can have the pink ones…”

“But we don’t want the pink ones!”

“Why not? They’re the same as the green ones.”

“Then let us have them.”

“No.”

“But you said they’re the same.”

“I don’t care. You’ll make them look bad.”

“How so?!”

“First you’ll take away all the good stuff, then you’ll remove a little color, and next thing you know you’ll be making them sugar free!”

“… So?”

“So you can’t have the green ones.”

“But-”

“Mine!” … “Mwahahahah!”

You’ll never guess but this was a real conversation I had just a few minutes ago… it’s about marshmallows and anime oddly enough. I think I’ll avoid explaining it. :)

This is my husband’s fault I swear it. He brought up an odd thought earlier and now it’s stuck in my head.

Think about Reepicheep (the little fighting mouse) from the second Narnia movie.

Now think about Puss in Boots from the second Shrek movie.

Which would win in a fight? Heck, let’s take it a step further. Which is cuter?

Yes, I totally blame my husband for the fact that I even posted this in the first place.

Ps, yeah, I know I spelled cat wrong, didn’t catch it till I hit save and now it won’t let me change it.