Just Think’n

So, for part of my therapy I’m supposed to be taking specific not so great memories and writing one fact per line about that situation. Just the black and white facts without the emotions and drama. Then I take them to my next appointment and little by little we’ll add the other- more painful, parts like feelings in. The idea is that I’m exposing myself to the crap and then working through it and reprocessing the memories (because trauma memories are stored in a different part of the brain).

I’m not explaining it very well but it does make to me.

It’s taken me till tonight to even think about working on it- I think a short story idea of mine brought on some specific thoughts that just kind of rolled down hill from there. I don’t really want to work on it… for my own reasons but now that I’ve done one memory I’m tempted to take on another though the darker places in my mind caution me against getting drawn in too far.

I had two choices, I could work on my earliest memory or my worst. Taking the easy path I chose my earliest because there was no way, or I hadn’t thought there was, for me to pick one thing out of the jumbled knot and say it was the worst.

Until I thought about it.

And then it was easy.

The writer in me would love to share it here just because it’s fresh in my mind and my fingers are on the keys ready to go- but,… I’m not going to. I don’t want to travel down that path knowing that if I fall off in one direction or another I don’t have any kind of safety net ready to grab me.

That and it’s not precisely content I would wish on any frequent reader of mine let alone someone who might be passing by.

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