Someday Thoughts
February 5th, 2010
I’m full of thoughts right now. They swim in my blood and buzz in my brain. Constantly keeping me alert of so many things… cracks in the world, cracks in the people around me, and cracks within myself. Sometimes I think it’s amazing to see so much- there was a time when I didn’t see anything at all, but now… it’s like looking at colors we have no human word for. It’s so much to take in sometimes. Things are still so new to me.
Part of it is from where I’ve been and part of it is where I’m going. I’m never sure it’s part of the present because it’s like a special kind of perception that doesn’t alter. It stretches from one side of my existence to the other and I’m never quite sure what to do with it.
Sometimes I get so anxious I can’t sit still. Spikes of fear bombard me from the very core of myself and it’s rather hard to overcome something that comes from yourself. Sometimes I see so much beauty around me and so many different connections between things that I want to take a magic marker and carve a colored path through the air and show it to everyone. Sometimes I see the rock hard surface of the world around me and I feel that overwhelming urge to accept things as they are, the softer side of my heart telling me it will never change but then I remind myself that even stones can be worn away by time and the elements- and if given enough effort, the human hand.
I don’t know really why I’m writing about this but there’s just so much going on inside my head all the time. If I could type, and type, and type for a year straight I still don’t think I’d manage to find a moment of silence. I’m not sure I’d be thankful if I did.
Everything has meaning and meaningless things are nothing.
I wonder at it all and have so many questions for the universe. Forget the big ones- everyone wants to ask those, I want to ask about the smaller things. The over looked, under cared, little tried things. I want to do so much, say so much, and show so many people my thoughts and share them.
I’m working on it, so maybe someday, I’ll find a way to get this urge out of me. This constant need that fills my brain with wordless… something. Someday I’ll figure out how to express the things I’ve never known how to let out. :)
Someday.
BREATHE!!!!!!!!!! :)
*gasps* You’d think I’d get the hang of it by now. ;)
most days i can’t stop the ideas, let alone quieten them. often, alcohol was about the only way, but i’ve not reverted to that again yet. caffeine-free days don’t always affect my thoughts that much, except to maybe leave me thinking i have more time to consider each one. i don’t know what to suggest to shush the ideas. most days, despite the almost-constant babble in my mind, i wouldn’t want to be without them. i think the best thing is, like you say, to express the thought, write the scene, let the tale be told. good luck with all that. :-)
Well, the writing is my alcohol at this point- keeps the other less good kind of thoughts and ideas from chasing me around I just wish I didn’t always feel like I was drowning in stories I ‘need’ to tell. I say I wish but even as I type that… I don’t. I do revel in the feeling, it’s more my wish I could accomplish and reach the end of all these projects and ideas. ;)
Hehehe, thankies. :D Just means I’ll have to spend more time writing (I’ll have to locate a whole in the universe before said added time is found, but…). :)