Reaffirm
October 19th, 2009
Stop.
Stop it.
Sometimes too much. Sometimes so little I convince myself it’s not. I’ve become superstitious to the thinking that if I ever once have hope it’s gone- it will come back thrice as badly. Sometimes that’s how it seems to work. The shadows are gone and as soon as I bask in the wonderful feeling of being without an echo in my thoughts… they return with a force I’d rather not think on.
Sometimes I find myself sitting in a quiet place just so I can hear myself say ‘Stop it’ aloud to all the noise between my ears. Sometimes I find myself repeating these words over and over again as if to reaffirm that I, who wields words as a shield and sword, still have power over my own little mental universe. I can’t let anything convince me otherwise. I can’t let the everything make me lose hope.
Even if I’m afraid of being the trickster locked in the mirror behind my eyes.
Stop.
Stop it.
Be gone.
[Replying to comments as soon as I catch up on my venting. ;)]
peace is never a long last thing is it :)
No. It’s not but whenever I think about it like that I remind myself that if it was a constant we’d get bored and complain- and eventually ‘peace’ would be the opposite of. How would we ever know the sunshine without the light to compare it to? But I could go on about that way too long. :)