Home On The Highway
September 30th, 2009
This one is… a few different experiences combined together. Three that come together more fluidly in my mind than any other. One of the times I ran away- along the highway on my bike, a time I went out to buy lunch before school- it was dark and I was riding my bike along that same highway, and then the third time was late at night through a mixture of snow and rain- on my bike, on that same highway after Christmas shopping.
Each of these memories is precious and terrifying. Thinking about it makes my adrenalin rush and my hands jitter but I can’t stop the memories. I might do more with this piece but until I do maybe I’ll just let it ruminate here on my blog for a little bit.
By the way, while I’m at it I want to thank Jessie and Lisa who’ve both inspired me to go chasing after my inner poet. :)
Home On The Highway
Heart pounding and tears flowing.
The wheels on my bike turn faster and faster.
The street ever moving,
Each car a danger and a friend.
Invisible eyes haunt me from every window
But all I can do is peddle.
Lights from the town burn like a child’s candle,
The only thing keeping my fear in check.
Puddles pulse and splatter beneath me
As the snow steadily replaces rain.
Chill on the air and ice under tires.
Headlights coming closer.
Grip tightening.
Fear rising.
My breath rushes out.
Home is no shelter.
It feels choppy like I need to do a lot more with it but, oh, well. It’ll get there when it’s ready. :)
there could be a natural rhythm to this one with the wheels of the bike. you should research the form villanelle, if you haven’t heard of it and give it a try for this one :)
I don’t believe I’ve heard of that. I’ll have to look it up. I think as far as styles of poetry go I’ve still a lot to learn. I’m still getting past all the rules I learned in school. I did it for my usual writing- creativity and structure seldom go together obviously but when it comes to poetry I’m always tempted to fall into the simple stanza with rhymes sort of thing. Breaking the habit slowly but surely though. :) Thankies for the advice.
I’m no authority but if I may share a criticism given me once: I was once told that my poetry, which was a bit on the experimental side, was too far away. My critic, a respected co-worker of mine, suggested that I give the reader a reason to trust me. Often times, when poetry is too abstract, the typical reader is repelled by the lack of familiar territory. We all agree with the saying that people fear what they don’t understand. He suggested that I give them an anchor, something that we at least give them something to stand on before diving into the remote. I usually don’t think much of criticism, but I agreed with him and decided to employ one or two rhymes to introduce that familiar ground. Fortunately, the rhymes did not take anything away from the poetry and it didn’t seem forced or contrived. It almost seemed as it that was what the poem was waiting for.
Now, I’m not necessarily suggesting anything of the sort for your poem. What I would like to mention, however (if I may be so imposing), is that you experiment with the exact opposite. Despite the content of the poem, the language and expressions are very familiar to me. It speaks to my intellect but only whispers to my soul. I get the impression that it’s with my soul with whom you wish to relate. I suggest breaking walls and pushing away from the reader’s expectation. Abstract it, be wild and crazy. Be a puzzle maker and expect to be the only one able to decode your message. Many poets seem to fear creating a language of their own since they feel that it would be inaccessible to most. But I think that’s the essence of pure poetry, it will never speak to the mass. Otherwise, everyone would know Cesar Vallejo, Gerard Manley Hopkins, Mario Benedetti, Juan Ramon Jimenez. They are puzzle makes and those with the right eyes will find their way to their poetry, mysteriously.
Though I feel that this is an imposition on my part as an equal and fellow writer, I’m not too concerned about it because I believe that you’ll take what you need from this (if anything) and discard whatever you don’t.
I like your poetry and I think there are a lot of little windows in it leading to strange, eye-opening places.
First of all- thank you so much for the long and detailed comment. It always thrills me to hear from another writer like this. Especially with any kind of advice, even if you’re not ‘an authority on the subject’ though I must say your words helped me with a lot of the ideas I’ve been toying with that just didn’t feel quite… flow worthy.
I have this nasty habit that gets in the way of all of my writing, if I’m not careful enough to watch it, where I’m tempted to make certain the reader understands even if I don’t really care if they do. It leads me to over explain in most cases but in my poetry, it just gets in the way. I’m still struggling to find my own style but at the same time I haven’t learned to give myself away to the words. :)
Thank you so much for your comment! I really has helped me out- and while much of my poetry will probably fall into the same old trodden path I think a little experimentation could really open things up for a bunch of new poems.
Happy writing!
I am not an authority when it comes to poetry but as for me, as long as the reader felt what you have written it’s enough. A poem content is more important than it’s form.
Anyway, I felt the chill and it made me go back when I was young and was scared of the dark.
Thank you for visiting my site! I really appreciate it and I always appreciate hearing from a variety of different writers. The memories behind this piece are very dear to me despite all the different fears they bring about. In fact, these bits might just be responsible for some of my fear of the dark. ;) I’m glad you liked it. More like it coming soon.