The Battle Of What

She sat with her back to the cold stone of the fire place, white hair framing her already pale face with a ghostly hue. The sleeves of her robe bunched up around her arms making the fact that she was still so small all that more obvious to those of us who overlooked it every time she battled by our side and it was hard- impossibly hard not to look her in the eyes to see what you could find. They drew your questions from you like venom from a wound, first pulling them to the surface with the odd coloring and uneven tints and then tearing them from you and out into the open by her gentle will.

“What… what are you?”

‘Is this hesitation really mine?’

She smiled at me, the quirk in her lips beginning before the words even left my mouth. It was a weak little smile, composed entirely of the childish features that betrayed and lied about her true age all in the same motion.

“What am I?” A chuckled bubbled up from her chest- it’s sound sincere even as it nearly caused me to miss the wisdom that tore through her facade. “I am a child.”

I opened my mouth to object, that hadn’t been what I meant, but she was faster than I and it was clear that there was no turning back now.

“I am a mother- in some sense and a daughter in just the same.” Her eyes twinkled with the open riddle. “I am a lover to one, a friend to some, and a perceived threat to many. I am a fighter and a runner. A brave coward. A princess, and a commoner in every sense of the words. I am a liar with the truth and a seer blinded by the turns of my own fate.

“I am fire. A flame forever burning as it dies down to the lonely embers of the night. I cast both both shadows and light, give as I destroy. I am the choice forever in the making, never truly standing on one path or another. The footstep constantly left behind at my actions and the blood coursing through the veins of an angry mob.”

She stood, wavering carefully as she leaned back against the stones for balance. The battle had taken it’s toll from all of us but as she spoke she seemed to gain strength even at the cost of her words. “I am so many, many things but none of them are as important or inconsequential as this.” She pointed a shaking finger at herself. “What I am is the circle forever turning, the stars forever burning, and the new day constantly being reborn in myself. I am not yet who I want to be but what I am is the choices I make to get there.”

There was fire in her eyes, not angry, but brazen. Ready to pursue the battle anew and with greater vigor even as she continued to shake.

“I am me. I don’t know who I am yet but I know what I will become to be who I want to be.”

I cleared my throat, seeking to ask even more questions though she’d neatly sidestepped the one I’d thought most important. “You really seem to care about the difference between who and what you are, don’t you?”

She smirked, a little more color coming into her face at the action and her eyes dimming down to more human-like hues. “Wouldn’t you? If you were constantly being tested by people who both coveted and despised you for whatever they thought you to be wouldn’t you care deeply for the one thing they overlooked? The one thing you had to yourself- that no others bothered to make claim on?” Her smile grew and she whispered. “I certainly do.”

“Is that why you… ?” I let the thought hang. There were no words in me to finish it though I desperately wanted to know.

“Yes.” Her reply was simple where the question was not. “That is why I stand between the paths- there is no one for someone of my nature and there forever shall I remain. Perhaps you’ll come join me someday when you can answer your own questions with the same conviction from which you ask them.”

I nodded without another word on my lips.

The next day she disappeared into the fray, found neither dead nor alive amidst the battle but immortal within this ever fighting child’s heart.

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