What’s Going On With Me

Wow. A very awesome day! I’m too tired to go into details just this moment but before I even skim the surface of all that jazz I just want to catch you guys up on some other stuff that’s been going on.

Okay, so who remembers my being in that car accident some months ago? No hands in the air? Alright, long story short- some lady wasn’t able to stop in time and hit our car. Everyone was alright at first minus a few bruises and some whiplash but when we jerked forward and then back my own elbow came back and slammed into my ovary (yay me, not) and so I ended up in the emergency room not too much longer afterwards with a lot of pain. It wasn’t anything too bad but I’d caused a cyst to form (ovarian cysts are painful but not dangerous) or I’d aggravated an already formed one- either way I was hurting.

That one burst (hurt like heck) and I had a few other related problems for a long time afterwards but I figured all was well- I’ve no health insurance so my knowledge is just based on how I feel. WELL,… turns out I’m not doing so well. Another long story short- I have to pee twice every hour but just very little, the general consensus is that I have another cyst that formed where the other one ruptured and it’s pressing into my bladder but we’re not certain yet so that’s why I’ve been gone the last few days.

Okay, next point: Why I’ve been all down’ish lately. Hmm… another long story I’m much too tired too tell and not entirely ready to delve into all the way. There are a lot of things… hmm, crap. When words fail the writer you know it’s a tough bit, lol. There are things I’ve had to be concerned about all my life- not overtly but it always lingers at the back of my mind, the predisposition to end up in certain not so great circumstances. It’s plagued much of my bio family and in this case since genetics ‘do’ play a part… bleh. Normally I wouldn’t worry about this any more than I had to- the general keeping an eye on things but about a month or so ago I started showing a lot of signs of this one thing that if not nipped in the bud quickly could ruin not just my life but make things very unpleasant for my loved ones as well.

Hopefully I’m overreacting but I’m not thinking so. When I first started having the signs I was devastated and stressed- I’m biased and I’ve basically been brought up (in all my different families, not just biological) to have a stigmatized view (yeah I don’t care if that’s not the proper use of that word) of this kind of situation and who wouldn’t coming from my life? This… type of condition is one of the leading factors that lead to the destruction of my bio fam.

Anyways, I’m turning a summary back into a story and I’m not ready to tell it yet. Not until it’s been confirmed else I’ll trick my mind into more negativity than I need. To accompany the stress of this I’m having horrific nightmares several times a week- sometimes a couple times in a row. My stomach stuff is acting up again and I’ve had a sore throat for weeks now- part of the acid crawling it’s way up. All of that combined and I’m a bit rough feeling inside and out right now.

-BUT NEVER FEAR-

I’m happy. It may sound strange but it’s true. I’m filled with all this pain and fear and stress but- I’m strill happy. I’m surrounded by people I love who love me in return, I need to remind myself of this from time to time but it’s true. They don’t understand what I’m going through- not really, but they’re here for me no matter what I’m going through.

All that aside I’m just generally happy too. It’s strange but I can be having the worst day of my life and still be in a pretty good mood. I’ve been slipping lately- had a big landslide inside my head the other day, but the sun inside me still shines and that’s all that matters. :)

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