I think I’m going to give on sleep for a little while. I should have been to bed three hours ago- I work tomorrow, but right now… trying to fall asleep just isn’t working out for me.
My stomach burns in a way it hasn’t since I was forced into supervised visits with my bio parent those few years ago. I know it’s the stress because I’ve been being good about the things I’m supposed to eat and not eat. I haven’t been thinking about the situation any more than I should, maybe even less than I should, but subconsciously it’s still there swirling around.
Tonight… things were… *sigh* The ground before my senses was not the ground beneath my feet. Nothing about it was stable and firm and though I told myself ‘It’s not that way.’ my body, brain, and senses wouldn’t let it be any other way. It’s like I had to lock the darkness in one room and then run to another one, following the false sense of fight or flight- good thing I tend to be a flight’er because there was nothing there for me to fight.
My eyes saw the moths flying around the lamp light but my eyes on the inside saw the shadows they cast crawling all around the ground and surrounding me. My ears heard me repeating that it was alright, nothing to get worked up over but my inner ears heard that they were after me, little swarming shadows. My heart beat in my chest, my breath quickened, and adrenalin flooded my system.
And all I was doing was sitting at the curb waiting for my ride.
This post won’t make a lot of sense to a lot of you- just know that it’s nothing to worry about. A long night catching up to me during a moment of solitude and nothing more. For those of you who do know the secret soon to be revealed… *sigh* Just a long night.
I think I’m going to be sick.
Good night.
more hugs for you :(
i haven’t been sleeping well either. we should start chatting at three am!
Yes! Yes! I’m always up. Do you do chat by the way? That’s my main mode of communication so if you do I’d love your addy. I have MSN, Yahoo, AOL, and a bunch of others I can chat through with my one program. :) Here’s hoping we both start getting some sleep lest we inflict our insomnia on the masses through our writing.
I know exactly what you mean. I’ve been editing all night all week on my next book cover. It’s finally finished, yet, I’m too tired to crawl to bed. Ha, ha ha ha ha.
Oh, editing is a pain! I’ve been doing that on an off for a story of mine and… *insert pain filled sound here*. :) I’m so tired some nights I can’t fall asleep, I get to the point where I’m that goofy sort of half-awake and I start laughing at random (and occasionally non-existent) things.
i use google chat but i have been debating getting one of the other services. i used to have a yahoo id but it is long gone. can you add me via gmail jessie dot carty at gmail dot com? i think my husband has been able to do that and i can add you on my gmail chat thing if you send me your id!
Funny! Just the other night, when I finally decided to “try” to sleep, I thought about silly alterations and laughed myself to sleep.
Way to go, I just worked on half poems and tidbits of stories until I couldn’t keep my eyes open, let alone type properly, any longer. :)
Excellent. I’m working on a novel and a variety of short stories myself. Last night bits and pieces came to me while I was trying to sleep. I rolled over and scribbled my thoughts on tablet. The cat didn’t approve since he was buried under the quilt. I’m taking a mental break today. I baked oatmeal cookies!
Always good to keep a notebook close at hand! I sleep with one under my pillow most of the time except on nights when I’ve writing like a maniac because then the temptation ‘not’ to sleep only becomes that much stronger and I figure if the ideas are compelling enough even someone as lazy as me will be willing to get out of her bed to write it down. ;) Always good to have a break too- avoiding burn out at all costs and I think cookies are a perfect way to do that. :D Oatmeal cookies are the best by the way, and peanut butter… actually,… methinks I just like cookies of all assortments. ;) By the way, I added your blog to my links, I love your poetry- you have a very unique style.