Sigh Of Relief- Litterally

All right, for those of you who read my last post and commented and those awesome few of you who pulled me aside to offer me words of wisdom– thank you, especially to Branth. Thank you, thank you, thank you so freaking much. I send you all internet hugs.

About a day and a half after I wrote that post, completely out of my mind with self inflicted turmoil I received an email from student services. They’d told me the wrong date. I actually have till July 26, about six months, before my official time limit is up and I have to buy a time extension.

For all it’s worth, all the stress, and all the nerve wracking their little mistake caused me you’d think I’d be livid. Shouting, pulling my hair out, calling someone and cursing them out for making me freak out like that but the truth is– I’m thankful. I am so terribly thankful it almost hurts.

Those few days laden with the guilt of failing myself and those I love was the kick in the butt I needed. Even if they hadn’t gotten my time limit wrong– I knew when it was up and I still didn’t get in gear like I should have. Now that I have another chance I’m going to work hard not to waste it. I can’t. This is what I need to do.

Life doesn’t stand still, the world is constantly changing. If I don’t get some sort of degree and move down my chosen path it’s going to move out of my reach and I’ll merely be pulled along in the aftermath– probably not in a direction I want to go.

For anyone who’s interested and for my own sake since writing things out always seems to help me, here’s where my stats stand right now. (Updated since last post.)

Exams Left:

5 Misc.
4 Gen Math 2
4 World History
6 Phy. Science
7 Literature
20 Electives (5 classes, 4 exams each.)
___________
= 46 Exams

Must be complete by July 26, 2009.

Fun stuff. Not really but it doesn’t matter if it’s fun or not anymore. I want to finish this and get into college for so many reasons.

For me:

For my Hubby: Because he wants me to be able to take care of myself if something should happen to him and he believes I have great potential and doesn’t want to see it wasted. Plus, he knows I’m trying to break all these habits from my past and not finishing stuff is one of them.

For Kei: She wants to go to college so badly nd we’ve decided to make sure she gets there but we know she’s a little afraid of going on her own because of… circumstances. I promised her we would start college together when we do. I plan on keeping that promise.

For my past: My ‘mother’ didn’t go to college. She didn’t make something of herself. She only held down a handful of jobs after I moved out and she no longer received social security. I ‘will’ be different.

For my present: I get so depressed when I think I’m standing still and not doing anything. I have all these wants and dreams but I can’t reach for any of them without a step-stool, this is my step up. I don’t want to feel useless forever.

For my future: I don’t want to be my mother. I don’t want to rely on others. I want to help others. I want to be a position where I can help others and if all it takes is cracking open a few books– I can do it.

You’d think as someone who can do almost thrice the NaNoWriMo in less than a month that this would be nothing,… I just need someone to keep reminding me. Ask me how the school work is going from time to time.

Thank you all again, especially to Branth. Seriously.

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