Oh Crap
January 8th, 2009
I’m in trouble.
As far as the numbers go– 6 months, assuming that each has 30 days for simplicities sake, gives me about 180 days.
Breaking down the other half of the problem– I have 44 exams left. This gives me about 4 point some odd days to finish each exam, plus we have to consider that my exams are mailed out to me and thus can take five days for a batch of between 3 to 5 (and in one case 7) exams to show up.
I’m going to have to do multiple exams a day which won’t be too bad. It’ll suck but it can be done. No, the problem is telling my husband that we have to hand over $75 for a six month extension because in the end– I completely suck.
I know it might sound like I’m being a little hard on myself but in the end I really do deserve it. I should have worked harder, should have spent more time working on school work instead of writing… but I can’t help it. Writing is what I do. Then there’s the matter of the type of school I’m in. No present teacher, no constant reminder, like out of sight out of mind but now I’m just making up excuses. The fact remains that I haven’t accomplished something I should have been able to and it’s ridiculous but if I could go back and decide to do my stuff instead of writing– I can’t say I would make that choice. School is important overall but writing is very important to me.
As it stands though, there’s no point in me being a good writer if I can’t get a degree to carry me into a career. All I can do now is make sure I don’t screw up again starting with explaining to my husband, who’s been paying for my schooling this whole time, that I’ve practically failed– not grade wise but time wise if we don’t cough up a quarter of my latest paycheck tonight.
*sigh* I feel terrible and it’s all my own fault. I’ve been procrastinating telling my Hunny for a few days now but tomorrow is the day we have to pay so-… yeah, I have to talk to him tonight. I’m not very proud of myself right now and though I know he won’t yell like some people do– in a way I’m letting him down (myself too but I care more about letting him down) because I know he really wants me to have a good education so if something ever happens I can take care of myself.
I meant to tell him yesterday, but it was Kei’s birthday and I didn’t want anyone to be in a bad mood, today he’s all happy too and I know he’s been stressed out lately what with quitting his job and all and here I’m going to steal his sunshine and make his stress shoot through the roof. I don’t feel like a very good person right now.
Anyways, this was just me venting. Sometimes writing about it, while right now it’s making me feel worse, helps me build up a little more courage. I don’t have anything to fear but I’m ashamed of myself. *sigh* Night all, I’ll try to get around to blogs soon.
what is done (or not done, in the case of your schoolwork) is done (or not done etc), and you cannot change that for all the herbal tea in michigan, so i would advise letting it go and moving on. i’m pretty sure your hunny wouldn’t want you beating yourself up over something you cannot change. instead, focus on what you can do: tell him, share with him, resolve the issue and move forward. this is ultimately what you both want, so do that and let the past truly be the past. :-)
It’s OK – we all mess up sometimes. But we all usually get second chances as well! :o)
Oh, I’m so glad things worked out in the end for you! (I read your post “A Sigh of Relief.”)So you’re doing independent study. Is this for college?
Forgive me if I’m being dense, but I’m confused. Are you taking 44 classes during a six month period?
Michelle
J1M: Thankies so much. I know all this and yet it helps me so much to hear it from another. Despite the recent updates I still feel horrible and I feel bad for feeling bad- I should never not want to tell my Hubby something but we’ve all been under a lot of stress lately.
Kirche: Hello and welcome to my blog! :) Thankies. I know I shouldn’t freak out so much but I just can’t help it sometime.
M. Lauren: Hi you! :) Nah, sadly this is for finishing high school else I wouldn’t be so upset with myself. I really should be graduated by now but I’m such a terrible slacker sometimes.
Nope, lol, thank goodness. I have 44 Exams, and about ten classes.