Written Whispers

Ah, I love showers. Warm water, quiet, plenty of room to think. It’s more like a ritual in meditation rather than habitual cleanliness. I swear some of my best story ideas hit me in the shower– perhaps some of my stranger ones too but I suppose that’s to be expected.

I just got out of the shower and I’m feeling much better than I did before I went in. I always hurt a bit after work– some days are better than others but most days I still come out feeling like crap but that doesn’t matter right now. What matters right now is that I feel awesome. Comfortably tired, warm, fuzzy (new pajamas will do that to you), and just… good.

Anyways, I haven’t had much time lately to make a real blog post (that and I’ve been having way too much fun with the new camcorder) so– here we go. Lol.

There’s a lot new in my life right now but when isn’t there? The world is always changing and not just the ‘big’ world but the place inside my head, my home, my heart, my dreams. Everything is constantly changing and I love it– most of the time.

My Hubby quit his job recently for moral reasons, I’m proud of him for sticking up for what’s right that and it was just a bad situation and he’s so much happier now. Things will be a bit tight for awhile but he’s following his dreams and that’s what matters to me. I can’t count how many times I’ve felt the need to do something but tried to find another rout because the one in front of me didn’t have a guaranteed path. He worries for the future but he’s doing what he feels he needs to do.

Work for me is just about the same as it was before. I still go, still get paid less than I should, still come home, still complain, and still get over it again. I’m still moving on with one foot in front of the other.

The only really newish thing going on at work is that I’m finding more and more people who’ve secretly never liked me and never said anything about it before. People who think I’m a lousy worker and who are ‘amazed’ I still have a job. I’m not sure what I think about some of these new and extremely obvious developments. On one hand I don’t really care what they think, I know I work hard– I come home every night cursing from the pain to remind myself that I’ve pushed myself to a limit, High school is long over and I’m not interested in popularity contests. On the other hand, somehow a tiny part gets to me. Mostly because these people seem to be multiplying and conspiring together (that’s purposeful vague wording by the way). I don’t like feeling like people are out to get me, worse yet I’ve been there longer, feel like I work harder, and I still get paid less. I know why I get paid less, starting pay rate now is higher than it was when I started, but it still feels like it’s backing up what these people are saying.

Anyway, new topic please.

Kei has been gone for two days. She’s off visiting with her mother. Hopefully she’ll be back in time for work tomorrow. I’m always worried when she goes up there. I know she can take care of herself but I don’t feel like anyone is taking care of her. In the end things are only my business up to a certain point and every bird needs to learn how to flap their own wings– not from being shown but by doing it themselves. I could tell her how to stick up for herself, tell her how good it feels but she won’t really know until that moment in her life comes.

In case you’ve been on Mars for the past few days (or just haven’t visited in awhile) and don’t know my happy, happy news– I have a new camcorder! It’s pretty, useful, and durable. If you look below you’ll notice I’ve started to video blog (vlog) a little bit but it’s going to take me awhile to really get going with it. We got the camera for more than one reason but I want to go into that later. It’s important for me to write about it but not right now.

Hmm, what else? Oh, yes! How could I possibly forget?

The first unofficial printing of my novel (for editing purposes) is done! Actually it was done a few days back but I haven’t had the mind to write about it until now. The current total page count with the way we have it set up is 349 pages (wow).

My Hubby suggested we take it to Staples to get it printed after I spent an hour complaining about how editing things on computer is so much more difficult than fixing things on plain paper. I was thinking about when I first used to write stories with nothing but pen and paper and complaining mostly about the temptation to do too much editing. So, he suggested we go print it and print it we did.

It’s huge! The lady even bound it for us for a discount price. Squee! It’s very huggable and makes me feel just that much closer to publishing the darn thing. Editing is going much faster now, the big thing is picking out any inconsistencies and then a few of my friends are going to help me go over it with a fine tooth comb before I get ready to do the whole manuscript thing.

Editing is definitely a different sort of playground. I had my spell check shut off throughout the entire writing process (a fact which I’m very proud of) and most of it was written in that beautiful trance like state that we creators fall into from time to time so… there’s a lot to be done yet. Not that that’s a bad thing, I’m still trying to get a process going to get the thing done. So far the only thing I’ve figured out is that if I do a little every day and watch carefully how the side of finished pages gets bigger and bigger.

A little everyday.  *sigh*

Anyways, there was a ton more I wanted to write and tell you all about but I’m so terribly tired I think it’ll have to wait for now. Thank you all you wonderful people who’ve left me comments. I’ll moderate and reply to them all soon but not tonight. Tonight is mine.

I was having so much fun with the new camcorder I decided to make two videos in one night. Took me a little while but I finally got up the nerve to make a video all on my own. It’s not the best… but I had fun making it and that’s all that matters.

Basically it’s an introduction of sorts… yes, of sorts. It was hurried and I hadn’t been awake very long but that’s alright. :D Also, to those looking in my sidebar widget– it might look like this video pops up twice but it doesn’t. I uploaded it twice to see what video codec had better quality and then I tried to delete the other version. The widget doesn’t update very well… yeah, either way though it came out better than I expected.

Best of all you can’t see how messy my house is!

 My new camcorder is here!!! To commemorate this awesome moment in time my dear sister, Kei, and I have put together a little… something very random… to cheer up a wonderful friend of mine. Kei is on the left (this may depend on your screen) with the dark hair and I’m on the right with the glasses.

I’m tired and I hurt everywhere.

I wish some of my friends were online so I could vent a little.

I wish I felt better.

I wish there wasn’t always something wrong with me.

I wish… other things.

I wish I didn’t complain so much.

You know what? I didn’t spellcheck this because I was too busy being me. I’ll deal with it later. Peace.

-

I’ll have to attempt to make this post quick. I need to write something– it’s an urge and it feels so good to let things out, but I have to ‘try’ and keep it short because I haven’t gotten much sleep these past three days and I have to be up early tomorrow so I can catch the bus to work.

Kei and I were supposed to attend safety training today and we showed up too but it turns out the whole thing was canceled but no one thought to tell up. I have a few choice words for that but, oh well. Either way in the past three days I’ve had a total of 12 hours of sleep so… yeah.

Anyways, I’m in a pretty darn good mood. I have so much I’m happy about and so much is finally going well for me but I am a bit concerned about something. I think it’s just a mild chemical thing and when I explained it to a friend he came to the same conclusion but still– the scariest things are the kind you can’t control, right? Unexplainable depression, strong, swift, and deep. I don’t like it but it’s not like this is the first time I’ve dealt with it.

I’m thinking it has something to do with all my dietary changes. I’ve completely quit soda pop aside from about a half a glass a month but that’s when I’m seriously thirsty and there really isn’t anything else at work. I’ve dropped my artificial sugar intake to almost nothing and I’ve changed around all my usual foods because with my stomache thing I can’t eat half the things I like, at least for now. All of these changes are good, but I’m wondering if because they’re so sudden and all at once that maybe my body, and thus my brain included, is firing off other chemicals to compensate for the loss of something it’s used to?

That aside, the depression, I am really happy. I feel like singing, shouting, and dancing randomly all at once. There’s so much I have to do and I constantly feel like I’m falling behind but still– I’m happy in the process of trying to keep up with this life of mine just because it is my life.

This won’t mean much to a lot of you, but this is a really, really big thing to me that I’m about to impart. I have issues, everyone does, but mine are different than the majority (which kind of makes me happy in the end) of people. See, used to be when left alone with most of my thoughts I would have these weird flash backs of times my mother scared me. From there my imagination would take hold and apply them to modern day situations and places I frequent. I would imagine what it would be like if she showed up while was the supermarket or work.

These scenarios never played out well in my head. Either she came after me and backed me into a corner or I ended up trying to tell her off and failing terribly. Either way it’s left me looking over my shoulder much of the time. My Husband has helped me break out of the constant paranoia but the scenes never stop playing in my head, but something more has changed. Something absolutely wonderful.

I only have these things happen in my head like three times a week now. That’s a boat loat of progress.

Better still, I suprised myself the other day.

I was standing in the shower and I started going down that dark path. Thinking about the past and then thinking about the future and how she could ruin it, but that time I stopped myself and I did something I never know I could do before. I never knew it was in my power.

I asked myself what ‘would’ I do if she showed up?

And to my surprise instead of answering with another fretful episode inside my head– I told myself it would be okay. I closed my eyes and thought about it. I thought about how safe I feel inside my home and next to my Husband and even with Kei. I thought about all the people I call friends and the many more I’ve started to call family. I thought about how they all make me feel and I thought about the smile on my face that still catches me off guard to this very day.

I looked inside myself and watched an episode play out, my greatest fear– her showing up on my doorstep. Instead of letting her shout at me, accuse me of abandoning her, or back me into a corner I stood my ground and saw the ones I love standing beside me– not in front of me, not behind me, but ‘beside’ me.

I said a lot of things to this figment of my imagination that I hope I can someday learn to say back to her for real, a few things I would never say to her in reality because I don’t think she could hadle it, and a few more things out of well deserved anger that needed to be vented.

And you know what?

I haven’t had an episode since. Not a bad one. I don’t know how long this will last and I’m not going to jynx myself but I’m happy with this break and I’m proud of myself, overjoyed that I can finally feel myself healing. I’ve felt this feeling before, like a part of me was just repaired but it was always because of something someone else did. This time I’ve healed myself.

Things are good. Still depressed from time to time and I still have my issues and such but you know what? If I didn’t have a little crap now and then I think I might forget about how wonderful I feel right now and that would be a crime– an injustice to myself and all those who’ve helped me along the way.

There’s other stuff I want to say in relation to video blogging, manuscripts, my story, and misc. stuff but I promised myself I would keep this short. So, goodnight all. Thank you for reading.

Yay, my first video blog! All right, keep a few things in mind. One– this was just after work so I was tired as heck, two– my current camera really sucks, three– my laptop rather eat videos than process them, and four– this was the very first one and I had no clue what I was doing. All of that aside, I’m actually really happy with how it turned out. Much, much better than I expected.

For my first try I decided to read a recent poem of mine, most of you have heard it before, just because it seemed like a simple way to break into the vlogging world. The poem is “Twas A Poet” and if you haven’t read it before you can read it at the end of the video credits or click the link at the top of my page that goes to ‘My Writing’. The poem… is strange, written on a whim, and few will get it but me but I really don’t care.

And that’s that. Hopefully, if I can buy enough double A batteries or keep my other ones charged up (my digital camera really is not meant for video) and things work out just right I might be able to get a video out at least once a week. While I might take videos more often I doubt I’ll put them up more often just because it’s such a pain to get them out of my camera and convert them. If anything, I might do these for the main part of the site and just talk about writing since I’m more comfortable doing that than talking about my personal life– at least for right now. Kei and I have several dance routines though… we write songs. I warn you now, sugar is involved.

Anyways, that’s the video. I’m kind of sick right now so I think I’ll reply to a few comments here and then go take a little nap. Good night everyone and happy writing!

[Edit: Uhm, yeah, because I’m sick I have these thoughts that I tell myself I’m going to remember to write down because I think they’re important (though often they not) but then I don’t remember until after I’ve posted, yay, so yeah.

I know there is a lot of 'fuzz' like noise in the background. That's all my camera, really. We turned off the television, the electric heater, and my Hubby was asleep so there absolutely nothing to do that but the cam. Also, about 'Oh, little red yellow dot...' I forgot that when I click to take a video of someone I practically blind them with this flash or red and orange... now I know why the cats run every time I have the darn thing out.]

Hello, all! Lots of new changes to tell you about -and– a video. Yes, I finally gave video blogging, or vlogging, a try. It’s not the best try but I’m happier with the result than I thought I’d be. Anyways, first some updates.

You’ll notice that my sidebar has changed up a little– well, a lot. I’ve updated my blog roll and played with my archives a little. Also, as a lot of you will notice right away that my latest posts thing has actually been replace with an RSS module. It doesn’t update right away when I put a new post up but that’s okay. I figure it’ll give whatever post is on the bottom of my list another few minutes of a chance to be read.

I’m still working on changing my template over from Italian to English code, especially the footer (which I still can’t find mind you) but so far so good.

Another thing, you’ll see I have an RSS reader up for the main part of the site now too. I’m hoping this will help me get more readers up over there– though I’m not even sure it’s good enough to have any readers yet but whatever. We’ll see how things work out.

A lot of new readers lately, yay! I don’t know right away where you people are coming from but ‘hello’ to you nevertheless.

Other good news, I finally have my server fixed! I’m sure some of you have noticed my site down from time to time- well, it wasn’t just this site. It was all my websites because one of my servers had a nervous break down, so to speak. Anyways, that’s my update. I’ll post my video in a bit and try to get a real post out sometime right after that.

All right, for those of you who read my last post and commented and those awesome few of you who pulled me aside to offer me words of wisdom– thank you, especially to Branth. Thank you, thank you, thank you so freaking much. I send you all internet hugs.

About a day and a half after I wrote that post, completely out of my mind with self inflicted turmoil I received an email from student services. They’d told me the wrong date. I actually have till July 26, about six months, before my official time limit is up and I have to buy a time extension.

For all it’s worth, all the stress, and all the nerve wracking their little mistake caused me you’d think I’d be livid. Shouting, pulling my hair out, calling someone and cursing them out for making me freak out like that but the truth is– I’m thankful. I am so terribly thankful it almost hurts.

Those few days laden with the guilt of failing myself and those I love was the kick in the butt I needed. Even if they hadn’t gotten my time limit wrong– I knew when it was up and I still didn’t get in gear like I should have. Now that I have another chance I’m going to work hard not to waste it. I can’t. This is what I need to do.

Life doesn’t stand still, the world is constantly changing. If I don’t get some sort of degree and move down my chosen path it’s going to move out of my reach and I’ll merely be pulled along in the aftermath– probably not in a direction I want to go.

For anyone who’s interested and for my own sake since writing things out always seems to help me, here’s where my stats stand right now. (Updated since last post.)

Exams Left:

5 Misc.
4 Gen Math 2
4 World History
6 Phy. Science
7 Literature
20 Electives (5 classes, 4 exams each.)
___________
= 46 Exams

Must be complete by July 26, 2009.

Fun stuff. Not really but it doesn’t matter if it’s fun or not anymore. I want to finish this and get into college for so many reasons.

For me:

For my Hubby: Because he wants me to be able to take care of myself if something should happen to him and he believes I have great potential and doesn’t want to see it wasted. Plus, he knows I’m trying to break all these habits from my past and not finishing stuff is one of them.

For Kei: She wants to go to college so badly nd we’ve decided to make sure she gets there but we know she’s a little afraid of going on her own because of… circumstances. I promised her we would start college together when we do. I plan on keeping that promise.

For my past: My ‘mother’ didn’t go to college. She didn’t make something of herself. She only held down a handful of jobs after I moved out and she no longer received social security. I ‘will’ be different.

For my present: I get so depressed when I think I’m standing still and not doing anything. I have all these wants and dreams but I can’t reach for any of them without a step-stool, this is my step up. I don’t want to feel useless forever.

For my future: I don’t want to be my mother. I don’t want to rely on others. I want to help others. I want to be a position where I can help others and if all it takes is cracking open a few books– I can do it.

You’d think as someone who can do almost thrice the NaNoWriMo in less than a month that this would be nothing,… I just need someone to keep reminding me. Ask me how the school work is going from time to time.

Thank you all again, especially to Branth. Seriously.

I’m in trouble.

As far as the numbers go– 6 months, assuming that each has 30 days for simplicities sake, gives me about 180 days.

Breaking down the other half of the problem– I have 44 exams left. This gives me about 4 point some odd days to finish each exam, plus we have to consider that my exams are mailed out to me and thus can take five days for a batch of between 3 to 5 (and in one case 7) exams to show up.

I’m going to have to do multiple exams a day which won’t be too bad. It’ll suck but it can be done. No, the problem is telling my husband that we have to hand over $75 for a six month extension because in the end– I completely suck.

I know it might sound like I’m being a little hard on myself but in the end I really do deserve it. I should have worked harder, should have spent more time working on school work instead of writing… but I can’t help it. Writing is what I do. Then there’s the matter of the type of school I’m in. No present teacher, no constant reminder, like out of sight out of mind but now I’m just making up excuses. The fact remains that I haven’t accomplished something I should have been able to and it’s ridiculous but if I could go back and decide to do my stuff instead of writing– I can’t say I would make that choice. School is important overall but writing is very important to me.

As it stands though, there’s no point in me being a good writer if I can’t get a degree to carry me into a career. All I can do now is make sure I don’t screw up again starting with explaining to my husband, who’s been paying for my schooling this whole time, that I’ve practically failed– not grade wise but time wise if we don’t cough up a quarter of my latest paycheck tonight.

*sigh* I feel terrible and it’s all my own fault. I’ve been procrastinating telling my Hunny for a few days now but tomorrow is the day we have to pay so-… yeah, I have to talk to him tonight. I’m not very proud of myself right now and though I know he won’t yell like some people do– in a way I’m letting him down (myself too but I care more about letting him down) because I know he really wants me to have a good education so if something ever happens I can take care of myself.

I meant to tell him yesterday, but it was Kei’s birthday and I didn’t want anyone to be in a bad mood, today he’s all happy too and I know he’s been stressed out lately what with quitting his job and all and here I’m going to steal his sunshine and make his stress shoot through the roof. I don’t feel like a very good person right now.

Anyways, this was just me venting. Sometimes writing about it, while right now it’s making me feel worse, helps me build up a little more courage. I don’t have anything to fear but I’m ashamed of myself. *sigh* Night all, I’ll try to get around to blogs soon.

Hello all! Guess what? I got a box!

You want to know what’s in that box?

Awesomeness, that’s what’s in the box.

Crystalina, the friend of mine that I mentioned in my last post whose gotten me into crocheting– she made Kei, my Husband, and I all this awesome stuff for Christmas/Whatever. She’s so awesome. Thank you Crystalina!

Now, because I’ve just woken up and discovered I really do have batteries lying around for my digital camera, I have some photos for your viewing and my writing about enjoyment.

All right the one at the top is me, obviously for those of you who have seen my picture before. I am stylishly wearing the cutest hat in the universe, a beautiful neck warmer, and the most useful thing for any writer or computer geek living in Michigan– hand warmers! Even better these are hand warmers without fingers so I can still use my laptop mouse or throw toy mice at Gabe. I love them!

In the second and third picture we have Gabriel (a.k.a. Kitten) enjoying his part of the gift giving– a lovely box that will eventually be lost, re-mailed (if I get a chance to go shopping for Crystal this month), or peed on by another cat at which point Gabe will come crying to Mommy until I find a suitable paper bag for his enjoyment. Silly cat, it’s like a repeating cycle with boxes and bags.

In the next photo we have *drum roll please* Kei-Kei-chan! Kei is an artist in every sense of the word and these wonderful colors will warn any of us from a distance to keep our white walls covered and our markers hidden for fear of the intensely awesome, and thus blinding, creativity within. These are so perfect for her and I love her hat. I almost stole it before I found mine and fell in love all over again.

Crystalina, being ever thoughtful and wonderful, also made a really cool hat for my Hunny and he really needed one too since a lot of this month has been spent pushing and pulling our little truck in and out or sideways from driveways since much of the time he didn’t have any winter wear on at all! I love the colors too and it fits him perfectly. Crystal, he’s been wearing it all morning and is gaming with it on as I type this.

Collectively Crystal sent us: The box (I have to include this else Gabe might realize he didn’t really get anything and become jealous like the orange ball of pure menace he is), two sets of hand warmers, three hats, a neck warmer, a scarf, two really cute drawstring bags, and a bag of caramels that won’t last past dinner time.

If you’d like Crystalina to crochet something please don’t hesitate to drop on by her blog and tell her so. She’s always on the look out for new projects and challenges and though she is trying to get a business open she sets very reasonable and low prices. If there are any others out there who crochet please stop in and say hi to her sometime, I know she’s always looking to meet others, and I ‘think’ if I remember right she’s looking for people to make Granny squares for some donation project (At least I think it was her who told me this, I did just wake up– hence the out of it look in my photos– and so can’t entirely be held accountable for the things I say or write).

On another quick note: Some of you may notice I just changed my site template. I had to translate some of the code from Italian to English and may have missed something– if something looks wrong or you notice something written in a language you can’t read please let me know. I know I still need to do the footer but I haven’t found the file with the precise code yet so please bear with me and let me know what thing. Please and thanks and once again-

Thank you Crystalina! Kei and I send love and hugs (and eventually gifts) your way. Peace out!

[Side note: I know I look a little hazy eyed, several people in the past have accused me of looking ‘high’– I am not nor have I ever been high. Aside from just waking up I don’t have any glasses on and can’t entirely focus on the camera let alone my own hand before my face.]

Hey all! Meant to post the other day but– well, I’ve been in a strange mood as of late and haven’t gotten around to much, sadly that’s a very literal truth but I’m not willing to go into that right now. Right now I want to tell you about a very cool new skill I learned just the other night.

Crochet!

I’ve been telling myself for years now that I was going to learn but I just never got around to it. My mom in law and I have been thinking about getting together to have a crochet lesson for months but we’re both busy on an off and never made the time. Finally a friend of mine and a recent trip to an arts and crafts store convinced me that now was the time to learn.

I tried looking at a couple of different crochet books for beginners but… well, let’s just say when you need more than pictures to help you along it’s a sign– trust me. So, I got an idea. I’d look for a video on YouTube or something, deciding that and having no idea if I’d even find one in the first place I decided to pick up a basic set of hooks and some yarn (not the yarn below, a more basic solid color to start with, this is just some stuff I had lying around), pretty much just jumping off the cliff into an idea and not knowing if I’d even be able to figure it out.

In the end I was glad I did. I watched a series of three videos, paused them every three seconds or so or backed up (since Mowgli, my ever present lap warmer, decided he had seen enough and put his paws all over my laptop) to watch something again -and– now I can make Granny Squares!

I took these photos just a few minutes ago. These are Granny Squares but instead of stopping around the usual size I kept on going around a few more times because I want to make an afghan but it’s a lot easier for me to continue a square rather than start one. The first picture is of both my completed squares laying on Mowgli. He’s such a good kitty, let’s me lay yarn and such all over him and just sits there. The second picture I was trying to take a distance picture of my second square on my laptop but he kept sticking his head in the way of the camera. The one little moment I thought I was clear and pushed the button down he stuck his head right in the way again. Silly kitty.

Speaking of cats, I’m working on a new project I’d like to call ‘101 Reasons Why Every Writer Needs a Cat’. It’s basically a bunch of short stories and long thoughts about how my seven furry muses have helped me along my writing journey. I’m thinking of creating a private blog for it for awhile so I can compile it easily and show it to some of my friends out there but I’m not sure yet.

I’m thinking of changing the look of the site again but I don’t know yet.

Bear with me if this post seems a little off. I’m testing out this new desktop blogging software and well, have you ever taken a tour through an empty house possibly before buying it? That feeling of being in a completely new but yet somehow private place? That’s how I feel when pouring my thoughts and feelings into a new bit of software. I know it’s meant to be the private place it may become but that doesn’t stop it from being the foreign and alluring place it currently is.

For those who are curious: why am I trying out a new desktop publishing program?

Two reasons.

First, for the main part of this site (the .com without the /blog added) I’m going to be reviewing some of the different writing software I use. This isn’t one I typically use but I thought that this might give me a great excuse to download and play with things.

Secondly, Windows Live Writer takes too long to load for me and tends to go funny while I’m listening to music which pretty much means all the time. This program (BlogJet) isn’t half as pretty but it has less distraction. If I can figure out how to set up some sort of autosave feature then I’ll be all set but we’ll see what time has to say about the matter.

On another blog related note I’m going to start video-blogging. Not all the time obviously, just every couple of posts. I’m going to start as soon as I find some batteries for my camera but I’m also saving up some money for a regular camcorder that will last through my nature hikes, skits, songs, and some of my thoughts that would take more than any AA battery can offer. I’ve never video-blogged before (obviously) and I’m not really sure how I’m going to start it but it just sounds so fun and I love making videos anyways. If anyone has any suggestions, tips, tricks or anything else they’d like to share I’d be extremely thankful.

Let’s see here,… what else… hmm.

Oh, I got a new haircut. I had a friend do it at work just before New Years. She did an excellent job considering we were both trying to get through the experience in under twenty minutes since she had to catch a ride and I shouldn’t have been on break. That’s probably the first time I’ve done something like that at work– not something I plan on making a habit of but it was a fun way to break in the new year. She still has some tweaking to do she says but I love it, either way I’m willing to let her play with my hair again. I’ve had bad experiences with letting friends play with my hair before but she really did an excellent job that and it’s really nice to have a friend at work who isn’t just a work friend.

You know what I mean?

It’s… disappointing to come and go from work all the time, to have all these people I talk to and then listen to them talk to each other about their plans before or after work, to know that I’m not socially brave enough to ask to go along. I have been getting a little braver though– while I can’t make myself ask if I can ‘hang out’ I have been organizing these little outings between a few of us. It’s not too much but it’s enough for me.

On another note I’ve been a bit out of it lately– to my credit it’s been a really hectic week, but it’s just weird. I feel off balance. I have nothing to be depressed about, my life is wonderful right now. I love so much and I have so much I really am happy about. I’m not in a bad mood or anything -but– I’ve still been feeling kind of down for no reason. I know it’s natural for this to happen from time to time but that still doesn’t make it any less weird.

Anyways, it’s… well, I don’t know what time it but it’s AM and the sun’s been up for a few hours which probably means I shouldn’t be conscious. Good night all and thank you so much for everything.

PS– I’m adding something to my resolutions, I really want to do all I can this year to find a way to help others through my writing. I’d love it if anyone could point me in a possible direction though I’m sure something will come my way when the time is right.

Welcome to the new year all! I’m sorry I haven’t gotten around to any of your blogs lately, goodness knows I’m missing you all and hoping everyone is doing well, but I’ve been working a ton lately. This past week is generally what we refer to at work as ‘hell week’- a name that doesn’t do it justice by far.

I hope every one’s New Year’s eve/day was a lot better than mine but I’m not going to start the year off by complaining. I’m just going to dive in head first and say I wish everyone the best of blessings, the highest of hopes, and the courage to seek said hopes out and never stop dreaming.

I’ve been asked what my resolutions for this year are and no matter how many people repeat the same question I’m still not really sure how to answer that but as I think about what I’d like to do and achieve this year a few things do come to mind.

Re-open my other website (this month).
Head in a general direction- Narrowing life down to a single path is impossible but I’d like to reestablish what direction I’m heading if I could.
Reclaim a feeling from the past.

Those are my main ones. I know they sound kind of vague but… well, to my credit I’m terribly tired.