Back On Track

Ah, time to get back in the regularity of posting before my brain turns inside out and stains my carpet but first I need to answer all your wonderful comments. Just before that thought- I found this little thing on a Myspace thing (yes, I really do have a myspace but aside from using it for talking to two of the friends on my very small list I don’t bother with it much). Normally I discourage these greatly, little survey bulletins that encourage younger or often just plain stupid people to give out their location and date of birth just as this one had but as I read the questions over I decided I wanted to do it but that I’d rather post it here as my different approach on the little thing my draw attention up there and I really rather use this blog to support myself socially rather than the mass of information collecting that is myspace.

Here is goes.

It’s titled ‘I AM’ and the object is the fill in every second line.

My name is…
Whatever I currently choose to respond to but far from what I was biologically given. My spirit responds to the name Feeby, that’s what I call myself inside my head and that’s the name I give to others.

and my life started on…
The day my feet landed on this path. I’d like to say it began December of 2003 but it’s hard to tell just when one foot landed as I picked the other up.

in this place called…
Home. Wherever I am it is home and I’d fight for that any day.

and I now reside in…
My writer’s nest. Laptop, blankets, comfy chair, food, and a few cats. What more could I need right before I set my sights on a project of mine?

because…
I love to write and it’s the warmest place in the house.

My family consists of…
Two adoptive moms, an adoptive father, an adoptive brother, three adoptive sisters, one worth claiming foster sister, two biological brothers, three biological uncles and an aunt by marriage, a grandpa, my wonderful husband, a sister and brother in law, a mom in law, several dozen other in-laws I cherish, all my writing buddies, and innumerable friends. My family is growing everyday and though only a few members are by blood and I’ve never had the pleasure of meeting them outside the net- I’m pretty darn content.

I am currently…
Sitting here, filling this out, thinking about food, watching mat cat get ready to fall off something, shoving tissue up my nose, and contemplating just how the heck I’m going to get through the next six or so months.

and I have been..
Listening to a lot of music and driving myself crazy thinking about my story and school.

The sweetest thing done for me was…
When I was in my last foster home. It was four in the morning and I was lying in bed crying, it was one of the worse days- one of the ones that led me down deeper darker paths where I thought constantly of giving up, that there was no way I could wait out that pain. Somehow, the man who is now my husband but was only a good friend then, knew. He texted me asking if I was alright. No one knew I had a cell phone but him and a few close friends from work. I spent the next four hours crying muffled tears into my phone and pouring out text messages until expressing myself was such a raw action that it hurt and he, in his own way, stayed with me that entire night giving me the words I needed to get through another day. I’d never before willingly cried to another person.

I can’t stand
Many things. The difference between what I can’t stand for and what others can’t stand for is that I often stand up and say so. Not always the best of habits but it serves me well when I need it.

I like…
To eat. It’s my second favorite, often overlooked, hobby. Food is just good.

I love…
So much. I love my husband, my family, music, writing, crafting stories, the warm sunshine on my back, a winter morning while I’m still cuddled deep in the recesses of my warm bed, life, living life, every breath, every snatch of song, every whisper on the wind, and beat of my heart. I love a lot of things

I hate…
How that word is thrown around so easily, not just in today’s society but through all of time. Everything from rifts between family to all out wars and the persecution of others who are different have all began with that stupid little four letter verb. It’s not so much an emotion as an action. Now, if you ask me about the top few things of my list of disliking- I would tell you: those little icons, labeled as emo, that encourage teenagers to slit their wrists because their boyfriends of girlfriends dumped them or kids who think it’s a nice way to get attention. Child abuse or abuse of any kind but most especially the slow degradation that spawns from verbal abuse and how instead of the quick pain that kills the body is slowly wears away the heart and soul to destroy you from the inside out.

I eat…
Everything. :) Ice cream, waffles, fish, seafood, noodles, Chinese foodles, some fast food, lots of bread, some poultry, very little beef. :) But I’m hungry so let’s not speak of this cause otherwise I’ll post all about food for an hour.

I play…
World of Warcraft when I know I won’t have anything important that has to be done within a week, and Sims2 when I need a break from other things and feel like controlling someone else’s life.

I study..
I don’t want to discuss studies at the moment. Maybe later.

I cook..
When the kitchen is clean I can make a nice pot roast, casserole, dumplings, just about anything. You name it and I’m sure I can try to cook it, I’m actually quite handy in the kitchen despite being a fire hazard.

I watch…
The sun set, the snow fall, the moon rise, and my cat’s tummy rise and fall as he lays in my lap unconscious. Words appear on the screen and keys slowly being worn down, fishes swimming in the tank, and- on occasion, the television.

I wear…
Clothing- mostly.

I drive…
Myself crazy from time to time and I’m sure I’ve done it to others as well, lol.

I drink…
Soy milk when we have it, otherwise it’s flavored water and apple juice. My soda intake has been cut down to zilch because of the way my body reacts to it.

I sleep…
After being awake for nearly nineteen hours? Maybe? I’ve never done the math but as I sleep a good four or five hours after staying up till like eight in the morning depending on my mood.

I think…
Many, many thoughts.

I need…
More than just a little self discipline.

I want…
To see what mutatious lifeforms the fridge is harboring today.

I feel…
A little tired still but it’s my fault for staying up till noon today- I have a habit of not looking at the clock whenever I have a good book in my hands.

I hope…
To always have hope because it’s the day I lose it that my whole world will have ended. Without hope there is no purpose for anything.

I wish…
Many wishes, mostly that time would slow down or that others had more of it to spend with me.

I will…
Wait till the very last minute and I will regret it.

I am…
Many things but mostly I’m just me. I’m a wife, a writer, a Taoist. I’m the sum of my memories, experiences, thoughts and desires. I’m a girl, a child, a sister, and to some I’m like a mother. I’m a student, a peer, and according to others a teachers. I’m hopeful, fearful, happy, content, cautious, adventurous, tired of living in the shadows of the past, and braving a new step forward everyday.

I am me and I have no desire to be anything else. :) What are you? I’m also too lazy to do more than spell check this so if their are errors just deal with it.

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