Written Whispers

Last year I sat down before my keyboard for thirty full days (minus getting the flu twice) and wrote 50,000 words. The story in my head was not finished and though I still plan on working on it- it still isn’t finished.

This year I sat down before my keyboard for nearly thirty days, typing away and wearing the letters off a good few of my keys (seriously). I stayed up well into the night, forgoing sleep from time to time because even when my fingers weren’t moving my brain still was and wouldn’t let me rest. I organized write-ins, told friends and family, and then pushed my self to the limits and beyond.

As a result I have the most wonderful news possible, the greatest achievement in my young life.

I wrote a novel.

For a total of 168,635 words, 600 some odd pages, 3000 some odd paragraphs, sweat, tears, and love.

Kat’s Tail was completed Thanksgiving night. :) We went to Red Lobster today to celebrate.

Hey, it’s a post I forgot to publish. Yay. :) I wrote this just after hitting 50K, I’m almost to 150K now though.

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I’m still recovering from this week but I think I have just enough energy to trip through an updated post but before I do I just wanted to let you all know that I updated comments. :) Took me a bit since there are so many of you wonderful people out there but I got it done. Also, I should warn you that the thing I usually use to write my posts is acting wonky so these may or may not be spell checked.

There are a lot of thoughts in my mind right now, neither good nor bad mostly. They’re just there, swimming around more freely than I’ve ever let them swim before. Usually I keep certain thoughts tangled in protective webs but lately I’ve been feeling pretty brave towards some of these. It just sort of happened.

Hmm… feeling random.

So, yeah, 50,000 words the other night. 50 thousand in merely seven day. I think I’m rather proud of myself right now, still very tired but it feels great to be tired and have something to show for it which is more than I can say most days.

Pulling away from writing for a moment on that thought- It’s so amazing, right now I can feel my life happening. I feel busy when I look at the week ahead (every and any week) but yet I feel content as I go through the motions. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like I’m getting anywhere with my housework, my job, or just life in general but yet I can ‘feel’ my life moving all around me and it’s the most beautiful thing ever. I can see the constant changes around me like I’m part of this entity that keeps breathing in and out, or a sea as the tides come forth and fall back again. It’s a rythm but never the same twice in a row.

There was once a time in my life when I didn’t see these things, given, most of us don’t pay considerable attention ‘to’ change just the changes that are currently affecting them but I think I have been given a way or a reason to see this… feeling (if that makes sense) a little clearer than a lot of people.

I remember when I first left my mother’s home, I had to be about 15, and moved in with some friends. My mother can’t help the way she is, she has problems but that wasn’t the only reason I needed to leave though usually when I bring this topic up it’s the only one I talk about. It was a stagnant place filled with negativity and constantly changing rules. I was left on my own more often than not and probably spoke less than ten minutes all together out of any given day if I spoke at all. I wasn’t around people a lot unless we had them over and then they usually left with her and went to the bar.

Spending so much time on my own you’d think I would have been left to my thoughts but I wasn’t. I didn’t really think about anything except for the occasional story. My only thoughts, when I chose to have them, were always negatively directed at myself because when I was spoken to those were often the only things I heard.

I didn’t really have anything to get excited about and I didn’t cry unless my mother lost her temper. I didn’t get angry and up until the end I didn’t talk back. I didn’t emote at all unless I was afraid of getting in trouble for anything.

And I never realized any of this.

Think about it, if you had never been exposed to the color red in your entire life would you imagine things in that color? When you see it for the first time would you know what was going on or what to call it?

After and even a little bit before I left when I started being exposed more and more to other people, families, and was starting to engage in conversations and being asked what was on my mind something started to change. I thought there was something was wrong with me at first and I spent a lot of time crying but the more and more I was exposed to these outside influences I’d never had before I started to have all these different feelings I hadn’t felt before.

When the people who later became my adoptive family started asking me what I thought about this and that I started to think more. Did you know I never knew what my favorite color was until someone asked me? Seriously, the same thing goes with favorite music, food, style of cloths, and even what gender I preferred to date.

When I started thinking was when my mother and I hit the worst period. I stayed up at night thinking of all the things that happened between the two of us and examining the feelings she expressed, a really strange thing for a 15 year old to consciously do. I thought about what I thought about what she did! And needless to say I didn’t like the feelings that came with it. I started expressing myself more and more and it led up to a breaking point.

Getting back to my point before I fall into ranting mode: I never had change in my life before (unless you count moving and meeting mother’s new boyfriends), never had too many conscious thoughts, never felt so many things before- emotions I still have trouble giving words to even now. Because of all this I think I’m better able to see these things around me and it’s like a gift. Like interest for all those years I missed out on, now when I see the world I see it so vibrantly that it was worth the few years I couldn’t comprehend.

It still gives me trouble from time to time, I don’t adapt to change very well but I’m starting to get braver. Starting to see that not all change will hurt me and that the sudden appearance of something bad (like reappearing relatives) doesn’t always mean my entire world is going to fall apart. I’m still afraid sometimes and my emotions and thoughts still confuse me but it’s alright because I love learning and this means that I’ll never be done. ;)

I think if I continue at this rate for NaNo (since I am still writing) I could have another 50 thousand out around the 14th, and continuing at this pace till the end of the month I am very capable of reaching 200 thousand if I put my mind to it. We’ll see though, I think I’m only going to aim for 150 because my book might be close to done about then.

I really feel like I’m making progress on my novel for once. I mean, I have made progress n other stories before and I have felt it but this one feels so different. It was amazing when the idea came to me, the thing practically wrote itself in a matter of days (I speak of a rough outline spanning half a notebook) and this was by hand too because I didn’t even have enough patience for the laptop and typing I just had to pen it, my soul thirsting for the ink upon the pages.

Now though, the story is really on the move. I can feel the the tension building, the drama spinning out of control, and the climax- though I am far from it, I can see it way up ahead on the mountain top that I find myself climbing towards. My goal is in sight- far, but in sight and that’s more than I’ve ever dared to ask for.

I would really like to see it published some day but if I never get there (and trust me when I say I’m amazed I’m typing this) I think I’ll be okay. It’d be great but I just want to write a great story. I can share it without having it bound and contracted by some company though I more likely to make money which would give me ‘more’ free time to write but… if it never does I’ll just share it in my own little way. :)

Reached 120K a few minutes ago.

Time to sleep.

I’m reading all your comments even if I haven’t approved them to the site yet, that’s just how I keep track of the ones I need to respond to.

Night.

PS. Spammers suck and ‘whatsyourname’, you know who you are, I pity you for not having anything better to do with your time. Go play in traffic.

I did it.

Oh. My. Gosh.

I did it!

In less than a week!

I just finished my 50,000 words…

I’ll catch up on comments tomorrow this calls for a celebration and I think I know just what I want to do.

Sleep.

First things first: I just hit the 42,000 word mark for the NaNoWriMo!

This year is nothing like last year. Last year while I wrote pretty darn fast it was still a gradual assent and I was only done like a day or two ahead of time, right now I only have about 8,000 left to go. I’m thinking it’s because my sister is doing it with me. Having another writer in the house is a great way to help focus and bring out my more competitive nature. :D

I’ve been thinking, since my story will be far from over by the time I hit to 50K mark that I’m going to aim for 100K instead. After all, if I can do this much in such a short time who’s to say what else I can’t accomplish if I set my mind to it?

On the first I went up to Borders and to my everlasting excitement I was able to meet a handful of writers from the area! :D It was wonderful, given, we didn’t get a whole lot of writing done but together with did do a lot of brainstorming and I found a few more recruits for my just after January writer’s group.

Today I went back up to Borders, got significantly more writing done than the first time I went and Kei and I got to spend some more time with another fellow writer. It’s so wonderful. I almost feel like I’m going to a job I love and these are coworkers that I get along with.

On other, non-writing related stuff- yeah, I was surprised to discover that there are non-writing related things in the world too- I voted for the first time ever the other day. The lines were short but it was a pretty nerve racking experience just because I didn’t know if I needed my state ID (which is missing) and because since I registered to vote I’ve had my name changed and then there was the whole fact of the matter that I’d never been in the building before- that always makes me a bit more than a bit twitching but in the end it all went over very smoothly. The ballot was easier to understand than I thought it would be and my Hunny came to vote too!

For me the best part of the experience wasn’t about helping to pick the next leader of my country but about doing that for the very first time with my Husband. It felt… kind of special for lack of better words. On the other hand of things though if someone were to walk up and ask me if I felt I’d made a difference I would have said no. It’s not that I’m one of those people who thinks my vote doesn’t matter or that it’ll just get canceled out by another person’s vote (that’s stupid) because even I know that the desert is made up of all those tiny grains of sand but if I really look deep down inside myself and feel what I feel- for some reason I just don’t feel like I… I don’t feel like- I feel I should considering my knowledge on the electoral system but this is all another one of those topics that I don’t want to delve too far into.

I consider myself fairly educated when it comes to U.S. politics but when it comes to discussing them… I don’t. It’s something I keep inside my head, only expressing my opinion on the matter when I know it will do some good otherwise it feels like one bit constant complaint. Anytime I hear people talk about it, even the good stuff, it still feels that way so I’m just going to stop right now.

I wonder how many words are in this entire blog.
I wonder how many pages.
I wonder how many people have come here and read something that they just had to share with another.
I wonder how many people have come here and read something that made a difference in their lives.

Just some curious thoughts.

Ohh, other stuff! I have ‘another’ new blog created for procrastination and nothing more that is fondly dedicated to the characters of my current story “Kat’s Tail”. You can find it at http://written-whispers.com/katstailblog/ . It’s basically a place where have the characters do the writing for me. They sound a bit more than a bit spazzier than they are in my story but it’s an exercise into exploring my characters and freeing myself from certain constraints so I’m not too worried. If some of you could stop by some time and let me know what you think I would absolutely love it. I’ll install an OpenID thingy to the comment thingy soon.

I’m tired. Not tired from crap going on in my life for once though that is always happening (a fact I’m thankful for no matter how much of it isn’t all that great) but tired from expressing. I’m contently tired.

To reword it, I’ve been pouring myself into my creative talents so fully lately that when I finally stop at the end of the night I sleep well. When I lie down my brain doesn’t keep running in circles but instead turns once or twice like a cat and then settles right on down. Last night I didn’t write much, I was procrastinating and it was the first night since the first that I didn’t do more than 2K. When I laid down to go to sleep my brain kept me awake the entire night and I think I might have only gotten three hour or so of sleep so tonight I’m going to pour a tiny bit of my soul into my work in hopes that this pattern will prove true and I can just fall into unconsciousness as soon as my head hits the pillow.

I’d like to say thank you to someone real quick but I want them to notice so I think I’ll put it in another, much shorter, post.

So tired… maybe a nap is in order before I do any more work today. Hmm. We’ll see.

I found this awesome song last night. I think I might have to share it with you.

Hey! Gosh, I remember last year where pretty much all of my posts for the month were titled NaNo update this and NaNo update that. It’s beginning again and here is not the first of many and certainly not the last.

I’ve just hit the 13,019 mark and it’s only 5 am’ ish on the second day. I’m so proud of myself and I can’t help updating my count every thousand or so just I can feel that grin spread from ear to ear. This has been a wonderful few days. My week started out pretty crappy but now I’m starting to feel really good again. Karma- a force I usually don’t put 100% faith in (though I do look toward it from time to time) actually came around and nipped one of my slightly bigger problems in butt and though I know I shouldn’t be happy and the situation it created I was literally dancing in the bathroom when I found out about it.

Went to Borders, got to meet with and write alongside several other writers. It was so wonderful and I plan on giving you all more details about it later but first I want to go get another 2,000 or so down on the page and maybe go eat another pound or five of junk food.

Peace, I’ll catch up on comments sooner or later I promise, also on blog reading but that’ll all be during my procrastination time.

Alright, the NaNo starts in three hours and nine minutes so I better get this all out of my system while I still can.

…

Got distracted now I have 51 minutes until NaNo. I’m so excited and a little nervous. My writing software is all fired up and open just waiting for midnight to roll around. My Hubby bought Kei and I a bunch of candy under the excuse of saying we might get trick or treaters but we’ve never had any before- soooo, I have a really nice sugar high and I only ate maybe a handful of misc. treats. I don’t really like candy but I am liking this hyper buzz that’s causing me to talk a million miles a minute.

Hubby also bought Kei and I our favorite orange cream (non caffeinated of course). He’s such a sweetheart- he may not understand our writerly ways or our desire to channel the people in our heads but he’s still so supportive.

…

Got distracted again. Now I have 30 minutes.

You know- it’s Halloween and instead of going ‘oh, my gosh! it’s Halloween!’ like I used to do when I was a little kid now I go ‘oh, my gosh it’s almost NaNoWriMo!’. :) I feel so grownup.

…

20 minutes.

Special writing/plot oriented play lists created on my fully charged mp3 player. I even have a play list for each main character.

Comfy writers nest all comfy’fied, blanket all fluffy and pillows stolen back from cats.

Headphones located.

Post being written.

Brain running in a frantic circle trying to figure out what to do for the next few minutes.

Wait! I know!

I’ll look at my notebook and drool letting my fingers itch and twitch to type.

*runs away to NaNo land*

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