Getting Better

Today was better than yesterday and that’s all I ask for.

The not so nice co-worker was sick today so in a way, and I’m sure it’s bad to think like this, my prayer was answered. She was very quiet most of the day and thus civil,… to a point. The day went by slower and more things seemed to have gone wrong but I wasn’t irritated at a bunch of small things which in the end makes me feel infinitely better.

I blatantly ignored any negative talk and drama going on around me as well as negative comments about my work, speed, or me in general. The last bit wasn’t quite so easy since I got pulled aside and yelled at today for things beyond me control more than once.

The overall worst part of my day was making myself eat a half plate of food in under three minutes. Why a half plate? Because no one gave me a single chance to eat till the end of the night and if I don’t eat a good amount every few hours I start to shake and get very tired and dizzy. Why under three minutes? Because the one coworker wouldn’t have it any other way. She can have her smoke breaks and half and hour break because she’s a minor but goodness forbid should I take one moment near to the end of the night and sit down. When I returned from stuffing my face she made me play ‘fetch’. Avoiding as much stress as possible and trying to get out of work ASAP I complied without a word.

Honestly, I’d love to report her but I really know for a fact it wouldn’t do me any good. It would in fact do more harm than good and I can tough it out if I have to, I’ve honestly been through worse. Especially with her.

I got to mentally work on my writing whenever she was quiet or away from the kitchen which was nice and even though I didn’t get to eat I did get to bring home the other half of my plate and a nice chicken quesdea (sp?) for my Hunny.

Anyway, like I said. It’s gone better than yesterday and I’m keeping the Tao philosophy of ‘flow’ firmly in mind whenever my human mind will allow me. I can’t wait till I’m emotionally feeling better. I want to write about writing more but for now I need to vent, vent, vent. Get it all out of my system and hope for the best.

I’ve officially decided I’m going to go back to therapy. I have a lot of minor issues I need to work out, not past stuff per say because I’ve been in therapy for that on and off forever but for other little things that I dare not mention in my conscious mind.

More good news, I took the inhaler after only a couple seconds this time. Also, I took it at the first sign of trouble breathing though I’m now wondering if I should have waited longer because I felt the need to use it again less than two hours later. I refuse to use it twice in a night. That aside, progress is being made for now.

Ok, now I’m going to go write. Peace, love, and tofu grease. May all your dreams come true!!! And mine too while we’re at it.

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