Writing Gave Me An Asthma Attack
February 20th, 2008
Alright. I’m back. I’m fine now. Almost. If you don’t have any clue what I’m writing about maybe you should read the post before this one.
Goodness it was awful and I’m still coming down off the attack. My whole body feels like my pulse and my breathing still sounds like I’ve run a mile but no more wheezing or chest pains. This is the first time I have immediately sought out the inhaler and the second or perhaps third time I’ve actually been willing to use it.
Something happens at work, I make myself suffer through the pains for a couple of hours. Someone tries to convince me to leave my fiance and I cry, curse, and scream but refuse to use the breather. I run around too much and end up coughing till I’m on the floor I think about it and then go sit down and try to fix it through meditation. I have flash backs from my past at night and cry and wheeze but never think about using it.
I can go through all that without seeking out the inhaler, but all be damned, take away my writing and I run to it- fumbling in my purse, running to the bathroom (because I’m still too awkward about it to chance my sleeping Hunny to wake up and see me), tossing the cat out of the bathroom, and mentally trying to convince myself that it really won’t spray some nasty tasting aerosol down my throat even though I know it will but that’s what I have to tell myself in order to take it at all!
Gods, I think I need another puff. Best to wait a bit though. Can only do two per three hours.
Aren’t I ridiculous? I’ll put myself through all that and won’t even think about using the piece of crap but the one time it gets bad enough for me to curse the ceiling when I can’t remember what pocket of my purse it’s in- is just because I thought I lost one little file of my hard work and creativity? I feel kind of stupid to be honest. The whole only took 5 minutes to build up and another 5 of me realizing what was going on before I did anything about it.
The worst part is- if I take a drink of Propel flavored water right after using the breather my water ends up tasting like the smell of earwax.
Great. Now I’m having the chest pains. *sigh* At least it means I’m calming down. I still feel so silly for getting so stressed over this. Honestly I was pretty calm about the whole thing mentally. It’s amazing what can effect the human body sometimes.
panic attacks are odd at the best of times. not that there is a best time, really. ;-)
i used to suffer awful panic attacks, and was medicated for a while. in the end, i stopped taking them, and was never comfortable with them as i didn’t believe i should be panicking. it was a mental thing with me. heh.
sorry to hear about the freaky moment, but glad to hear of the calmness/sense around it. and don’t beat yourself up about it. the head is a crazy thing. seriously. ;-)
J1M: I’ve had slight anxiety attacks all my life but I’ve never considered them one in the same and to be honest I’ll take those any day. ‘Least I can still breath with those.
Yeah, I can’t do pills. Too much history with bad medication and bad medicators. I have trouble even taking Tylenol (sp?).
Not quite sure why it all upsets me so much. The only reason I don’t like taking the inhalor ‘in front of people’ is just because it’s ‘in front of people’ and that bothers me. I don’t like feeling watched. I don’t like taking the puffs because they taste nasty and I often wonder if I’m just spraying my tongue. Still, in the end the whole idea of having to have an inhaler is just so, uncomfy to me.
*sigh*
Oh well, just another thing to learn about, get over, and later write about. All fodder for the muse, right?
Tofu!