Aches & Pains
January 12th, 2008
Sometimes I honestly wonder if I’m a hypochondriac or something because it seems like there is always something wrong with me, in a health related sense. I’m used to people telling me it’s in my head or accusing me of faking or trying to get attention that I question myself even when I feel like crap. It’s a hideously bad habit that can cause all kinds of problems. For example when my hip and back start acting up I’ll keep working because I think the pain is in my head, and I’ll do this until either my leg gives out or I get smart enough to sit down. Heh, there was this one time I had the start of the flu or something and I went to work even though I could hardly stand up. It took two cooks and the head chef to tell me to go home. Then there was this other time I went in though I couldn’t stop coughing and I had tears streaming down my face…
Fortunately my Hunny has been working on me for over two years now and I’m starting to learn to trust myself. It’s not easy, even when I absolutely know something is wrong without a doubt and I know enough to say something about it there’s always that thing at the back of my mind questioning; ‘is this real?’ ‘am I making this up?’ ‘is someone going to think I’m making it up?’. It’s all rather sucky.
The past week and a half, mayhaps two weeks now, I’ve been having breathing problems. I was sitting at my laptop, just like I am now, and all of a sudden my chest kind of hurt. I’m used to the occasional anxiety attack here and there for no reason so I just ignored it thinking it would leave eventually. It didn’t. To top it off it was a totally different kind of pain, my anxiety attacks or whatever they are called usually include a slight but sharp pain that is easy to pinpoint. It gets sharper when I breath in and usually is near my heart. This was a dull pain, hard to point at and it covered a large area below my collar bone. It didn’t hurt so much as was uncomfy and felt like pressure, it didn’t get worse with breathing but it was like the air was starting to feel a little thick, I ignored that part completely.
My first reaction to an anxiety attack is to breath slow and add subtle pressure to the point of the pain, dulling it in a sense. This did not work but I continued to ignore it, maybe it was nothing. About and hour and a half later I was having trouble typing on MSN to my friend and it just would go away. In fact it felt worse and now I couldn’t ignore the fact that the air felt wrong. I had a sudden sense of Déjà Vu.
Once, a couple of years back my adoptive sis and I went to spend the night at a friends house. It wasn’t the first time and there was nothing out of the unusual. We swam, ran around, blah, blah, blah. Night came and we snuggled down. I couldn’t sleep though. Something felt uncomfy, mind you I didn’t have the chest pain, but it felt like I couldn’t get air into the bottom of my lungs. I tried to keep my breathing slow because I no better than to hyperventilate myself. Still didn’t work and I was coughing now. I tried to keep it quiet until tears were streaming down my face and I had to sit up clutching my chest because I couldn’t get any air in.
I’m sad to say I ended up waking the whole house up. Our friend, smart dear as she was, ran and got her brother’s inhaler and explained how to use it. I did and was feeling much better not five or ten minutes later. Similar experiences have happened since then, but no more than two a year and never to that point so like a dip shit I thought nothing of it until now.
I waited another hour and when the pain didn’t go away I finally said something to my Hunny. More time passed and we aired out the house and gave me some stuff to help open my lungs up and ended up knocking me out… It was very eventful. Every night since then the same thing has happened. Not just at night, not just as home but at work, in the truck, at the store. In fact I think I’ve only gone two days this whole week without it happening. The past day or so has been the worst. I’m pretty sure it’s asthma of some type or another for varying reasons. Both my brothers and my mother and supposedly my father all have it though none of them other than my mother bad enough to need an inhaler. And with my mother I know she had one but I never once saw her use it. To top it off premature borns have a more natural tenancy to it and I’m also at the typical age for onset asthma in women.
The worst part of all this is I don’t yet have health insurance. I’m working on it. I just need to call some place or another and if I’m lucky they’ll take me. We shall see, anyways, this is a useless post. I just felt like complaining I suppose but it’s nice to get it off my chest. Goodness knows I have enough pressure there already.
my immediate thought was, “go see a doctor”, but i forgot you don’t have the same easy medical access over there. here’s hoping you can arrange something, cos chest aches and pains are usually worth investigating. i’m not one to talk, really, as i rarely go to the doctor’s unless i really feel it neccessary, but you’ve gotta take care of yourself. here’s hoping it eases. :-)
I hate all the health care issues that are going on both in Canada and the States. Do you have a walk in or free clinic near by that you can go to? Maybe they can help.
J1M: Heh, that’s what my Hunny said too but I wouldn’t let him because I was more worried that I’d show up there and it’d be nothing but now I’m not so sure. Its getting better kind of and I’m taking some pills that seem like they’re helping. Thankies.
EW: Not at the moment but I have been checking around fortunatly. Hopefully I have health insurance before the end of next month.