I will ight a Christmas candle for you and one to St. Francis to keep close and care for the soul of Madison the first.

My dear little spirit, thank you for sharing this memory with us, you have thrown yourself out there and landed on two feet. You and Madison the first are in my thoughts.

merry christmas
quill

What EasyWriter and Quill said. Good things are in your future.

first off, i really hope i’m not out of order for saying these things, but they are my honest (and raw) first thoughts regarding this post. so, just as i think it was brave and honest of you to post what you did –and i applaud you for that– i will try and be just as honest regarding my comments… but, no, you won’t find any pity in my comments. :-)

were you manipulative? yeah, most likely. but then, almost all (if not all) children are. that’s just what they do to get what they want, be it good or bad. hell, adults still do this. but this is where children need guidance. i think the same is true regarding the confusion and the lying. for my mind, you didn’t get the “right” guidance. children will say and do what they must to get the reaction and emotion they’re after. and, sometimes, ANY emotion (albeit “bad” or “hurtful”) will do, simply because it is emotion.

a child can’t be expected to understand these things, but i don’t think the child (ie, here, you) was to blame for what was accused. adults need to take more responsibility for their actions and their situations. it’s too easy to blame the kids. even as adults, we still look to blame others when a lot of the “bad” can be changed within the self.

and threats rarely help any situation.

i’m not for one moment saying your mother was “bad”. i can’t comment on that at all, and wouldn’t want to. but it sure does read like she didn’t really like herself all that much, and seemed to take that out on (and blame) you. so, of course, you felt to blame and bad and wanted to be punished. that’s only natural. i’ve been there enough times to recognise that. but that in no way means it is “right”.

many hugs. :-)

Just1More: Before I read any further let me just say thank you. I have too many cavities from candy coated experiences and pity just makes me pity myself.

*reads on*

I know now as the person I currenlty am that it wasn’t my fault and I’m not as bad as I ‘was’, mostly this is to represent my current mind set, thank gods.

I don’t consider my ‘mother’ to be a very good person, for the most part I don’t hold her accountable for the pre abuse events but i do have a realistic interpretation of her actions, words, and emotions.

No worries. I no longger blame myself, given I blame myself for worse things that I should but for this one I do not. Not anymore.