My Writing Funk
December 15th, 2007
First things first: Many thankies to Quill for the award ‘A roar for powerful words’! I will be posting about that tonight I promise so long as I can keep my head out of my…
And secondly: Sorry I haven’t written any posts, replied to comments, or visited anyone’s blogs lately. A lot has happened in the past few days (all good stuff) and I’ve been a tad bit distracted.
The sixth was my birthday. I am officially 19 and I’m starting to feel the awe of being a legal adult that I didn’t feel when I turned 18. It’s strange but nothing’s different. Well, no. I suppose I can’t say that ‘nothing’ is different. I’m different. I know myself better this year than I did the year before. I trust myself and others more. I’ve let go of so many fears and learned to appreciate both silence and noise. In this one year alone I have learned so much it’s almost impossible for me to imagine how all this new input fits into my head without something exploding or at least a leak erupting somewhere along the line.
Last year, my first whole year out of foster care and my first birthday with the wonderful man who is soon to be my husband, I spent with his family. It was strange at first- how they all just love to get together even if there isn’t a reason and how they don’t argue with all of the in the same room like that but instead laugh and joke and enjoy the company of one another. Compared to my few experiences with my own biological family this was very strange, stranger still that they happily accepted me and threw me a party. :) This year I requested no party. Don’t get me wrong I loved it and it was wonderful but I’m very people phobic. This year I told my Hunny that I just wanted to spend a day with him, go out to eat at a fancy restaurant, and enjoy his company. That’s just what we did too and it was absolutely fantastic!
While killing some time at the mall before we went to eat he pulled out a flyer or pamphlet of some sort about rings. Mind you while I’ve been secretly thinking about my ring here and there with the same joy of a child awaiting Christmas neither him nor I have spoken about it much. Well, I have a little, telling him I didn’t want a diamond mostly because I think they’re too expensive but anyway’s… So he pulled out this flyer without saying a word and flipped through it silently like he does. He pointed out a ring and asked if I like it- I loved it being the shiny seeking person I am and noticing however slightly he covered the price with his thumb. I said as much and he smiled and put it away as we continued to walk. Another person might wonder some at this but my Hunny is truly a creature of few words. He speaks with the silence making points that many a writer couldn’t make with their pens, myself included.
All in all I was content as a kitty.
On the way back home I thought about things. The ring thing bringing more closer to mind the fact that I am soon to be married. Married. That one word sits in my mind like chocolate on my tongue- well, if I liked chocolate that is. I’m amazed but I like the idea of being married a lot. I glance over at my Hunny as he drives, listening to NPR and agreeing now and then with something they say. Husband. I smiled, that’s another word I like. I repeat it in my mind again and think about all the conversations I’ve had with people when I mention him, secretly wanting to call him ‘My Hunny’ or ‘My Husband’ but I don’t just yet. Most of the people I speak to on a daily basis don’t know yet and we’re trying to keep it that way. For now.
Wife. That one pulls me back to my original train of thought. I can remember a time, not long back if I’m honest, when I would tell my mother that I was never getting married. I didn’t need a man in my life and if I ever wanted kids, well, there were plenty of other women that had kids without fathers. That’s how I thought when I was 14 or 15 mind you and the life fell apart only to be put back together again in an odd sort of way. Still, I didn’t think I would ever get married. Going through school I hardly ever dated. Then again this may be do in part to the fact that when I did I tended to date the same person for a year or two. Now here I am, 19 years old and about to be married. I squeal with delight.
I’m learning other words too like mother in law and brother and sister in law. My favorite word so far is nephew. It stuck me in the head one night when I was invited to go see his fifth grade play Suissical (a Dr. Suisse kind of thing). It’s still a little odd having family but I’m proud to say I think a girl could get used to this kind of thing.
I love him. I love them. I love myself. And I love the world around me. For my birthday I have received something I’d never dared hope for before- a sense of peace.
Hi there, i came across ur blog thru someone else’s. Lovely post, just had to comment! Yup, we all find happiness. Just have to hold on to it. :)
great blog =)
Ah Spirit, the whole world is about to open up for you in a glorious and beautiful way and I’m so glad you are finding peace! I really am speechless after reading your posts… they set me to thinking deeply and inspire me. Enjoy your “hunny”… I’m still waiting for mine!
Spirit it has been amazing getting to know you through this blog, what a spirit you are! I am elated for you as you begin this new path along life’s road. This was a joyful and thoughtful post, it has brightened my day.
M. Girl: Muchly agreed. All I desire in life right now is to keep holding on to that happiness. Beyong that I couldn’t ask for anything more and that fact alone brings me even more happiness.
Jo: Thankies so much. It makes me happy beyond words to know that m posts are touching. I’m constantly hoping my words will help others. I know you’ll find your hunny when you least expect it. ;) When we stop looking is when we truly see.
EW: Oh I’ve missed you! I feel like I’ve been gone for a long while and just come back. Writing it brightened my day as well. I love to relive these happy moments and share them. This way if something ever does happen the happiness will live on. Thanks for your kind words.
Hi Spirit,
Congratulations to you for beginning a new life, entering a new family, and for everything wonderful which comes along with self awareness growing older. Good luck…happiness, and health to you and yours in this holiday season. -Mike.
Hi Spirit, I just wanted to add a “P.S.” to my comment
“He speaks with the silence making points that many a writer couldn’t make with their pens, myself included.”
That is a terrific line, I must say from one writer to another. Great work. -Mike
Abundant joy to you! I can tell you’ve got it in your hand and are cherishing it the way it should be cherished.
my dear little spirit congrats. I am excited for you as you follow this new path that you have step foot on. It is a wonderful thing to discover family. You truly are a gem and I am glad I stumbled upon you.
quill
Mr. G: Many thanks! I’m just so happy about the whole thing. I find it odd at times how much joy I can wring from things that people around me experience every day.
Double thankies on the ps! Ever improving and constantly thinking, writing is a way to life and breath. ;)
Me: Thankies, I sure hope so!
Quill: I think I quite enjoy being stumbled upon and thank you in return for doing so. I DO plan on making the roar post. I’m trying to think of my three things still. ;)
Spirit, I’m so happy for you!!! Congrats on your engagement and a happy belated birthday!
What kind of writing are you interested in doing? There are several lines, and what you want to do is find a writer who writes the same line as you, then start critique partnering back and forth.
Harlequin.com has many boards where you can hook up with other writers just by posting. I started out there.
Hugs, JJ
Nature Nut: Thankies! Hmmm, I’m not sure. I’m still trying to figure out my peticulat style and what I enjoy writing about most. More often than not I find myself crafting fantasy. I’ve always written amidst the realms of fiction and magick but lately it seems some of the more non fiction’ish stuff is coming easier to me. I’ll deffinetly give that site a try in my free time!
happy (much belated) birthday! :-)
J1M: Much belated thankies. Lol. :)