So Nervous I Just Have to Type
December 4th, 2007
I’m going to speak to one of my long lost brothers for the first time today, on the phone. I’m so nervous. We’ve been chatting on Yahoo for a couple of months now and I can’t wait to talk to him but I have no clue what I’m going to say.
Some words from my Hunny last night helped though. He said "just let it be, words will find their own way and you need not force conversation." It reminded me of some of the stuff I’m learning in Taoism. Don’t do, just be. Don’t force things, they’ll happen on their own if you let them do so.
I have my phone on, fully charged, and I’ve cleaned the house as I have this odd habit of having to dance around the house randomly and trip over things. I really don’t talk on the phone much because the whole experience is a little scary to me in general but to talk to someone I haven’t seen in years… mild panic attacks are ensuing.
I don’t want to put this off though. I haven’t had enough time with biological family to take any of it for granted and I want to tell him all about my life and hear all about his. I want to ask his advice in planning the wedding and talk about memories of old. I don’t want to waste this moment in fear or silence so I will make myself get over it.
I was amazed when we first started chatting on IM, we have so much in common, from what I can remember we always have. We’ve always looked almost identical, aside from the facial hair, as well. Our spiritual (non religious) beliefs are much the same as are our tastes in various things. Heh, my fiance is a lot like him as well it seems. Those two will get along nicely.
I still just don’t know what to say and I’m a little scared that I will sound stupid or not meet up to his expectations. Then again, as I look back on this post I know I have a lot more to say than I think I do and I already know I won’t sound stupid. He expects me to be me, so there’s only one way to fail that. ;)
Alright, I’m ready. I’m going to dial the phone now. Just needed a written panic attack to get it all out of my system I guess. Thank you all for listening to my rant. It’s not like my usual posts, I don’t think, but hey, I hope it was insightful. *wink*
I hope all went well little spirit. It must be quite a mix of emotions you will be, are going through. I’m thinking of you.
Thankies EW! I was very scary and each time we talk it’s still a bit nerveracking for me. Heck, the whole concept of communication between members of a biological family is still a navelty to me. I got to talk to his wonderful wife too! I love my family so much.
Glad it went well. I didn’t do as well when I first talked to my adopted half-brother but I’m glad you are having a chance to know these people. It means a lot to have some biological connection.
Hi Spirit,
I am happy that you reconnected with your brother. I do not know how it must feel to have been separated like that, and your nereves are reacting naturally. I hope all went well, and I wish you happiness. -Mike
JC: You’re right. All my life I didn’t really think it would matter quite as much as it did or feel quite so real but now… wow. I’ve been missing out way too long.
Mr. Grudge: Everything went awesome. It’s hard for me to talk to him much of the time but I think I’m getting better with each convo. :) Thankies very much.