Personality Of The Pen

To be a writer is to be of many minds it seems. I can move easily and flawlessly from one to another. My speech and dialect can change at the drop of a hat along with my passions, fears, and motivations. I will have many names and faces, pasts, and presents.

I need not be one person at any one moment for I can be many. I can be an entire world if I so desire it and wield my pen skillfully enough. I can be as dark as I desire with no consequences, creating plot holes and road blocks for the others or I can be a person of light. Solving the problems and making timely decisions.

I can be the hero, the fallen, or the villain. I can be any gender or none. I can be a child, adult, an elder, or even the dead. I can kill myself over and over again only to be reborn in another form with the next sentence.

I am my characters and they are me. I haven’t experienced first hand a lot of the things they have but through them I can travel this world or a world of my own creation. I can know what it’s like to stand against all odds or to buckle under pressure. I can go on adventures of sit in a single paragraph slowly revealing information word by word while keeping you in utterly infuriating suspense.

I am a writer. My pen gives me something similar to multiple personality disorder and I enjoy every minute of it. I don’t think I could stand to be stuck within one mind, one body, one world, or one life. I want to experience it all and that’s what keeps me clicking away at the keyboard.

Did you know Desserts is Stressed spelled backwards?

I’m feeling much better today. Found out my headaches were stress related. See, I have this thing with tensing (they call it grinding but i can do it when my mouth is open too) my jaw up. Apparently when you do this too much you can put strain on all the various bones in your skull. Hmm, who’d a thunk it?

Anyways, so I’m sitting there and the doctor asks me what I’m stressed out about? Now about a year ago I would have laughed manically in his face and said everything. It would have been true enough. Well, things have changed since then. I had to think about for a long time, seriously.

I’m happier right now in life than I have ever been. Yeah some things still suck and not everything is rainbows and sunshine but I’m alive, I’m loved, I love, and I’m free from many things. I told him that there was nothing stressing me out. Mind you though, I’m think about current daily events and it’s true, none of those are really stressing me to the point of needing to see a doctor unless I’m seriously over looking something.

Then he had to go and ask me if I have trouble falling asleep at night and if my mind ‘races’. Heh, sometimes I don’t sleep at all I just lay there and think. It’s mostly about my past. It seems I can’t keep those thoughts at bay when I’m getting ready to sleep. I have panic attacks and the occasional bout of paranoia all before I drift off to dreamland. If I work on my stories right before I sleep and I get into that extra creative mode I spend the whole night awake thinking about the story with my eyes closed. The last part isn’t stressful the the rest of it makes me all tense.

So, he prescribed a nightly relax kind of pill to make me calm before I sleep and told me I should consider counseling. I thought that last bit was funny since I have no health insurance and the last time I did ‘we’ deemed me uneeding of such treatment as I was clearing able to think my way through most of my issues.

*sigh*

So, now I’m on this bedtime pill that’s supposed to make my daytime headaches go away. Hmm. I took it the first night but forgot to last night. :D I know- I’m horrible but I have a thing against pills. Even though they’re small and ‘for my own good’ I’d rather not take them if I didn’t have to. I’m buying a mouth guard and sucking on Jolly Ranchers.

Anyways, that’s all I had to say in case anyone who read one of my last posts, can’t remember the title but it had the word crap in it, and was worried about me.

I got the title of this post from a saying on one of the menus at work.

We Need A Hero

Where have all the heroes gone? The true under dogs, the rebels, the weaklings, and the invisible? The ones you’d pick last to bet on? The only ones who will step up to the plate in the end?

When did we suddenly need to be ‘super’ to fight against all odds and stand for what we believe in? When did we suddenly need cool gadgets and wacky costumes to prove our moral value?

When did bad guys suddenly need to be obvious? More so- when did we decide exactly what a bad guy looks like? From the raccoon mask and crazy grin to the modern turban and a funny accent? How did we fall so far that we need the bad guys to explain their plans in order for us to understand?

When did we decide that we were the good guys and everyone else was bad? And when did we decide that there were only two sides? In fact- when did we decide that we even had to be on a side at all?!

When did black and white become black and white? Are they really that obvious or are true darkness and light more subtle? When the frail man with a kind smile singing the praise of his god suddenly starts molesting children- doesn’t that seem just a little more than grey? What about when mere school children start taking guns to school and waging a war of their own?

Are they just trying to redraw the border? Rediscover it? Or are the sides only an illusion now? A product of our society because we know no other way? Is making them obvious just our way of placating ourselves because we really don’t have a clue what’s right and wrong anymore?

When did mothers start beating that which they brought into the world? When did fathers start beating mothers they love? When did we start calling the homeless: bums but become willing to pay the five cents a day to an organization that may have no merit to feed people in a country we’ve never heard of?

When did we stop caring that our children ‘experiment’ a little with this and that because experimenting is ‘normal’? When will we stop being hypocrites, liars, verbal abusers, and just about everything else that is said to make us human? If that’s true why the hell would we even want to be human in the first place?!

When did we start having to protect people from themselves? Protect them from protecting themselves?

Where did all the heroes go? Where, and when, and why? I only ask because the hour is late, the problem obvious, and the borders drawn. Now is the time for a hero.

So where are they?

Are we even worth saving? Or is it our turn to step up before it’s too late?