Written Whispers

Today was not a good writing day. It was a great day just not a good writing day. I went to the movies with my hunny and hung out in Borders for a couple of hours. Found a nice book on faeries (I love faeries) and bought it, even read a few magazines while I waited for him to get out of class. A very nice relaxing day.

I came home and read for maybe four hours- complete bliss and a wonderful book too! My little kitten, Gabe, even came up a napped with me. A rare treat as he seems to be going through that teenage phase and thinks he’s too big for Mommy to cuddle him.

Then I finally put the book down and popped open the laptop. Lo and behold I wrote a whole 29 words in one hour. I’m quite frustrated. It’s not that I don’t have things to write about or don’t know where I’m going it’s just that it doesn’t seem to want to flow today. So, I’m taking a break. Maybe I’ll go post on PW for awhile and write a few more disgruntled blog posts and that’ll get the juiced flowing. If not… heck, I’ll just pick up my book and start reading again. Suppose it is a nice day for a break. An unexpected day off from work where my hunny takes me out and my cat child thinks he’s little again- that has to be a sign. The universe’s way of telling me ‘Hey, take a load off! Break time!’. So, for once I think I’ll listen as it seems I can’t even type properly today.

Peace.

Here’s thanks to Easy writer. I took your advice and just dove in. Thank you.

Well, last night after I unplugged every possible distraction, and eventually messenger, I got down to business and pulled a nice piece of writing out of my mind. The best part is- I’m actually proud of it. Most of the time when I write I’m still fearful that it’s not good enough or often that I’m writing about the wrong thing but last night was different. It’s only a small piece, no more than 400 words long but never in my life have I been able to write something so close to my heart so fluidly.

It is quite ‘prosy‘ as my friend Branth puts it but for now it’s just a prologue so I’m not too worried about it. I wish I had a proof reader- someone who was a fellow writer who could look at my stuff now and then and tell me what they think. Spelling and grammar aside, it’s the flow that’s most important to me but sometimes it’s difficult seeing the big picture. If I reread my stuff I’m tempted to make little and needless changes all over the place. Fortunately I was in my right mind this morning and forced myself not to make a single change and just show my friend the rough version. I’m glad I did.

I’m addicted to distraction. It’s like a bad drug that I can’t put down because it feels good but like all drugs the high is only relative. I want to write, I can feel the creative juices pent up inside of me waiting to be released. It’s like when a druggie realizes they miss what’s real in life and what matters to them.

I keep watching television, I hate Tv, nothing is on, but instead of turning it off I just keep flipping through the channels. I have music on my laptop but instead of just clicking play and letting it be I have to search the net for many thousands of other songs to listen to for free and repeat the process every five minutes or so. Or I’ll stop and check my email. I only have like eight of them for goodness sakes they don’t ALL need to be checked ten times daily. The only one that matters to me is the one for my site and I only need to check that like three times a day to make sure progress is going as it should. The rest are just spam buffers. Or worse, when I do find a spare moment I come over here and post in this damn blog that no one reads!

All these distractions. Writing is meaningful to me, I don’t like television, I have music, email is well- just email. I can disconnect from the Internet or turn the Tv off at any point in time but do I do it? No. Instead I just complain mentally or agonize over the fact that I have so much creativity running through me right now and I’m too lazy to take out the distractions and put it to good use.

Writing is my other addiction. It’s my drug, but it’s not a bad drug. It’s more like a prescription. Whatever my soul is made out of says: “Hey, you NEED to do this otherwise bad stuff happens!” I can experiment with this drug safely, change the elements and compounds, tweak the recipe, and I can even sell it on the street corner if I was brave enough but either way you look at it- it’s still writing and I still need it. Seriously, I just can’t stop stressing that I wouldn’t do anything to stop the distraction, that I was too lazy for my passion.

Well, the rehab starts here!

I have turned the Tv off, put the kettle on, and as soon as I’m happy with this post I’m going to unplug my Internet and move out of reach from the cord (I might just leave yahoo messenger on a little longer though.). The house is silent, my hunny is sleeping, my cell phone is off, it’s six in the morning so no one will be coming over. I’m tired and nearly ready for bed but I don’t care. I need to write at least something before I go to bed. I can’t be so lazy that I put the idiot box before the well being of myself in mind, body, and spirit.

I’ve been so inspired the past few days and you know what I’ve gotten done? Absolutely nothing. How sad is that? It’s like it’s all sitting there, everything. An entire universe of my creation, waiting behind a clear sheet of ice that’s smack dab in the center of my brain.

I can see the story, feel it, breath it, and be it but it can’t seem to get beyond that point. From mind to paper, or in this case keyboard, is proving to be an impossible trek tonight.

I also feel very un-grammatical today. I need a good kick in the bum.

I’m still a little shy about my writing and also a little bit afraid that I may be losing some of that spark. For further details read my post “Perfectly Legit Fear”, anyways, so, I’ve decided to set myself a couple of goals to force myself to get over it.

I will write at least 1000 words in any one of my major outlines daily. – This is a pretty easy goal for me. I can do double that if I wanted to but with my second goal in mind, well…

I will write at least 500 words in any one of my major stories daily. – This is a little harder. I’m so nervous about my writing. Usually it’s in spurts. I’ll write like 5000 in one day and then not come back for awhile but I’ll still be working on it in my head or in outline form, skipping from one area to another. I still get something done but not as fast nor as well as I know I’m capable of.

I know I can do this. I have nothing to be afraid of if I’m the only one seeing it and by the time I’m finished it won’t matter whether I’m over my fear or not because I’ll be darned if I go through all that work and then not publish it. ;) I blow raspberries to fear!!!